Hoping to Fall

yoga with a side of delusion

2012-02-08T14:30:00.000-06:00

Six weeks of half marathon training, and I've got to say I'm a little sick of it. I wrote this cute little post about how I was so excited to be getting healthier, and how it was kind of funny that I hadn't lost any weight.
It ain't funny anymore.
I've alternated between dispair and anger at my layer of fluff around the middle, but it doesn't budge. It does bulge, but it doesn't budge. Hmm.
Anyway, I'm not giving up. The goal is still running a half marathon, not losing weight. I'm making a few changes in my eating patterns and workout schedule that will hopefully give me a boost.

So my friend Evan is really hip and cool and tiny, and she recommended on a couple of different occasions that I try a centergy class, which is basically coreographed yoga. I have this preconceived notion about yoga: that it's for really hip and/or cool and/or tiny people. Like Evan. And I'm self-aware enough to know that those words don't necessarily describe me. Or, at least I thought I was.

Ok, so I'm in the yoga classroom which has floor to ceiling mirrors on every wall. I have a love-hate relationships with said mirrors. I don't exactly enjoy being able to see all the bulges and fluffy bits as I work out, but it does help with form. Usually it's my back that's the problem. The instructor's back is as straight as that nerdy kid's in class who thinks if she raises her hand as high as she possibly can and wiggles her fingers that the teacher will call on her for the answer. And even though I was that kid, my back doesn't look like that. Go figure.
So anyway, since I'm new to yoga, I was checking the mirrors a lot. And that cute girl with the pixie haircut and the shoulder tattoo, too. She knew what she was doing. Probably because she was pretty hip, cool, and tiny. I'm toward the back of the classroom, trying to be as invisible as you can be in a room full of mirrors. When I check the front mirror, though, I'm pleasantly surprised. I'm lookin' pretty good. Look how strong my legs are...and my arms are looking sculpted. When I check the mirror closest to me, I just try not to laugh at my flying legs and strange poses. But that front mirror...Look at my tiny waist, I think. I look so thin! I'm going to do yoga everyday! Or walk around in warrior's pose or something! This is excellent. I am excellent! I'm really good at this. Even my hair looks nice while exercising...that never happens. Oh wait. I don't work out with my hair down.
Yeah, the girl I was admiring in the mirror was NOT me. At some point, probably when I was helicoptering my arms trying to keep my balance while I stood on one foot, someone slipped in behind me who was wearing almost the exact same thing I was. Her hair was the same color and length as mine, only she didn't have hers pulled into a ponytail with a head wrap. She was a little to the left of me, and there was a giant fan blocking my view of myself from the front mirror. Geeze.

So yeah, maybe I'm a little delusional, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm really good at yoga. I think I'll go again very soon and pretend to be someone else.

jammies

2012-02-03T14:35:00.000-06:00

My girl is very rarely cold. I think the standard rule for dressing children for playtime in cold weather is to dress them in one more layer than what you wear. But I do the opposite. Usually I wear one more layer than she does.

Anyway, today she was eating a well-balanced lunch of yogurt and milk and decided she was cold. She didn't want a jacket. She didn't even want a blanket. She wanted these beauties.

And did I mention that while I was trying to zip them up, I unintentionally toppled her over and she twacked her forehead on the ground? Whoops. Sweet thang still managed a smile for me (after she was done crying for her Daddy for awhile, of course).

Then when I put her down for a nap, I heard some rustling about in her room. I just let her be, hoping that she'd fall asleep. Later I walked down the hall and panicked when the door to her room was wide open but she was not in her bed! A quick glance around the corner and I found her here:

Not a bad napping spot, I suppose. I've napped in that chair quite often myself. Plus, the only evidence of misbehavior I found was a half-eaten tube of chapstick.

Parenting win, I'd say.

discipline...it's a four letter word

2012-01-31T14:48:00.002-06:00

So this whole mom thing... sometimes I just don't feel very good at it. It's been a rough couple of weeks. Our plumbing went out (has been in the process of going out since September) and we had to have the whole sewer line replaced. Additionally, for no apparent reason, Cate's just been grumpier than usual. It seems like we go through seasons, really tough stressful ones and really beautiful soul-nursing ones. And honestly, I don't know if they're caused by her or me. I tend to blame it on her, but something inside nudges me to think it's me. Hmph.

During the tougher seasons, it's so hard to figure the discipline thing out. I never know which route to take. Each situation necessitates a different response, and people who deal with disciplining children (parents, teachers, daycare employees, etc.) have to be very intuitive, responsive, and perceptive, I think. Let me give you a run-down of my morning and all the different techniques I floundered with.

Cate asked for more milk, so I opened her cup and began pouring. She did the ol' flail and wail right there in the kitchen chair. Wait, what? What just happened here?
"Stop. Stoooooop. What's wrong?" I ask.
"I wanna drink the milk!" (more wailing and flailing)
I'm already a little exasperated, but I'm trying to be patient (technique 1). "That's what I was doing. I was getting you milk."
"No, the old milk!"
So, she wanted to drink that last bit in the bottom of the sippy cup before I added the fresh milk. But it was too late. I had already tainted the "old milk" with approximately 2 mL of fresh milk. Meltdown ensued.
I tried to ignore (technique 2) the fit, but her screaming was starting to scare E, and she was moving M's chair with her foot as she flailed about, making it hard for him to eat. After listening and ignoring, and supressing my boiling blood, I removed her from the situation (technique 3) by telling her she could go to her room and come back when she's calm.
She obviously thought that if she did what I said, she would have lost, so she went to the bathroom and shut herself inside. After about 15 more minutes of screaming, I went to check on her. She's laying on the bath mat, pants around her ankles, crying. (She had used the potty, but apparently found the task of pulling her pants up to be too daunting considering her emotional state. Plus, she probably knew it would bother me.) I just feel weird about her being all bare-bottomed with the boys there, so I tell her she must pull them up this instant. (Talking firmly, technique 4). I don't know why I picked this battle to fight. It seemed important at the time. When she refused (and continued to wail) I pulled them up myself. To which she graciously responded by kicking me repeatedly.
Sigh. Here's where it gets ugly.
I pulled her up into my arms, and she tried to wiggle free. I spanked her bottom (technique 5) and said, "We don't kick each other." (I know... the irony wasn't lost on me). I plopped her in bed and told her not to get up until she was ready to stop crying and be nice. So she continued to cry.
To keep myself from dissolving into tears, I had to call Dani, just so she can say, "I know, I've been there, I'm sorry, eat some chocolate." She always makes me feel better. Finally, Cate came back into the living room. She wasn't exactly crying, but she wasn't a ball of sunshine either. If I tried to talk with her or even look at her, she'd make a loud EHNT! noise just because she knows I don't like it. I decided it was best to not make matters worse, so I didn't tell her to stop. I just gave her my mom look (technique 6) and kept playing with the other two kids.
Finally, she came over and started pushing my arm. She was being kind of rough, but I think she was just trying to get back close to me and wasn't sure how to do it. I ignored (technique 2) her jeering looks and less than gentle love-taps, and let her sit in my lap. I know that feeling. Sometimes you want to hit someone and make them hug you at the same time. Just ask my husband.
Finally, we were getting somewhere, I distracted her (technique 7) by asking for help with the shape-sorter. When she finally calmed down, I gave her some love. (technique 8) That's my favorite technique.
So I don't know. I don't know if I did it right; I don't know how to do it right. Kids are so adaptive that as soon as you think you've got it figured out, they change on you. You try so hard to avoid things that will cause a meltdown, make sure they're fed and napped, get the appropriate exercise, not too much tv, and the right amount of play dates and then here you are, trying to figure out how the hell you were supposed to know that they wanted to drink old milk before you put the new milk in.
And you know, as I go back and reread this post, I guess maybe it is about me after all. Because the meltdown didn't hurt anyone. She's ok now (and asleep, praise the Lord!) and the other two kids barely even seemed to notice it was happening. So I guess maybe the question is whether or not I'll let it ruin my peace today. Will that hour of stress ruin the remaining twenty-three? Maybe I'll choose not.
Thanks for listening.

There's a demon in my bathroom scale.

2012-01-19T16:24:00.002-06:00

There has to be. That's the only logical explanation.

I have been working out like I have never worked out before. Dani and I are training for a half-marathon, the Rock and Roll Dallas. I am really excited about it because "Run a Marathon" is on the bucket list, and this is a step in the right direction. There have been times in my life where I was a runner, where I could run on a consistent basis. But there has never been a time when I felt like an athlete. But now I'm going to weight lifting classes and riding the stationary bike on my cross training days. I'm doing long runs on the weekends and working on my pace during the week. I'm starting to feel like... that a-word above. It's crazy.

But the scale refuses to budge.

I am a good seven pounds over what I like to think of as my "normal" weight, and twelve over where I want to be. I have been working out at least 5 times a week for the past three weeks and counting calories. And that [choose your own expletive] scale even dared to edge up on me today.

It's infuriating.

However....I am not going to give up. I am so glad that I have a goal other than the weight loss, because if that had been my only goal, I would have thrown my hands up and drowned my lack of progress in pizza and wine. But there has been progress. It just hasn't shown up on the bathroom scale.

-I feel better, stronger. My muscles feel more defined, and my butt doesn't jiggle quite as much. My pace is getting better, and I'm adding a mile to my long run every week.

-My daughter sees a woman who excercises. When we see someone running at the park, she asks, "Is that you, Mama?" She likes to pretend she's doing squats with a tupperware lid.

-My marriage is better. Even though spending time at the gym means we don't spend quite as much time together, it has made that time together even better. Cory has always been the one who inspires me to exercise, and now I get to do that for him. We're both happier when we're together because we feel like we've accomplished something outside of our normal routine.

-I have a lovely running partner, who makes those long runs fly by and keeps me motivated during the week.

-I'm finally getting it, that little addiction to the runner's high. Today is supposed to be a rest day, but the weather is glorious, and I keep thinking maybe I'll just slip outside for a little jog. It's crazy how working out went from being a burden to a pleasure. (Plus, the whole gym membership thing is fabulous.[Thanks, Mom!] They watch Cate, she gets some playtime, and I get some precious alone time.)

So hopefully the weight loss will come in time. In the meantime, I'll relish the other victories.

(But if you know of a good exorcist, send em my way.)

pic credit

in defense of santa

2011-12-13T13:43:00.004-06:00

I have to write this down. I'm delighted that you're reading it too, but I'm writing it down for me. Because every year I have to go through this, and re-decide what it is I believe about Christmas. I think I usually come around to the same thing, so I thought I'd save myself the trouble and write it all down this year. Then I can skip the tears and stress next year and get right to the celebrating.
I hate to admit that, if I'm honest, holidays equal stress for me. There has rarely, if ever, been a Christmas season that did not land me in tears at some point. I love, love Dani's post about Christmas time in a divorced family. It's spot on.
And then there are posts that land me in tears. It happens every. single. year. Like this one. When I read it, I absolutely agreed with what she had to say. Ugh, the consumerism, the out of control Santa-fest, the fact that Christmas should be about Jesus. I get it. I agree with it. One particularly poignant line asked how, in the minds of our children, could Jesus compete with Santa? I so agree. I felt so guilty over how much we spend on Christmas while so many in the world are suffering that I cried when I put up the Christmas tree. And then I cried while walking through the aisles of Target. It was awful. I swore off Santa.
And then I came back around to him. Because whenever I think of the holidays, and how I'll stress over the coming one, I think back to the time when I was little, watching the news on Christmas Eve and hearing the weather man say he'd spotted Santa's sleigh on the horizon. I remember lying awake in bed and thinking every creak of the house was a reindeer hoof. I remember opening gifts with my cousins, playing board games with my siblings, and wondering just how it was that Santa always knew exactly what I wanted. It was magical.
And while I hear people rant about how wrong it is to lie to your kids, I honestly don't have a problem with it. To me, it wasn't lying. It was this huge magical story that everyone was in on. Kinda like Harry Potter. (wink) Some people say that when they discovered Santa wasn't real, they thought that God wasn't real. I say that believing in Santa helped me believe in God, in miracles, in magic. I love that feeling that there's more to life than what's right in front of us, than what we can see. And as adults, we don't get that feeling often enough. So don't take it away from me at Christmas.
So my plan is to talk to Cate about Jesus every chance I get. Not just at Christmas, but always. She'll learn about Santa on her own. There are movies and songs, and trips on the Polar Express with my aunt. This year, when she wakes up on Christmas morning, there will be 2 gifts for her. It really doesn't matter to me if she thinks they're from us or from Santa. Then she'll be bombarded with gifts from other family members. And we're all going to love it.
I hope she'll learn that Christmas is about magic. It's about Jesus and family. It's about giving gifts. It's about togetherness and laughter. And if that magic includes Santa, well, I'm okay with that.
It's not very neat. It's not "We go all out at Christmas" and it's not "We don't do Santa." It's somewhere in between, so it's bound to get messy. (I never have been good at drawing a line in the sand.) I'd love to hear everyone's ideas and traditions. My ideas so far are: bake a birthday cake for Jesus, adopt an angel tree kid, buy a goat (0r some other animal) for a Worldvision family. What do you do with your family to keep them focused on Jesus and giving?

dreams

2011-12-07T13:25:00.000-06:00

Now that I've drafted a novel, everyone's first question is, "Can I read it?" And everyone gets the same answer: an emphatic, "No." National Novel Writing Month isn't actually about writing a novel. (gasp) It's actually about writing the first draft of a novel. Mine is so messy that I'm afraid to go back and reread it. I made all the mistakes in the book (ha!) from cliches, to plot twists that lead to nowhere, to switching points of view, to clunky dialogue, to one random tangent that involved a troll (with rather nice eyes).
It's kind of like whittling a ukelele out of bark. NaNoWriMo helped me create the huge stump from which my instrument will be carved. It's pretty amazing because I conjured this huge stump out of thin air! Hey everyone, look at my stump! But it doesn't look anything like a ukelele.
So now comes the harder part: the editing. It's really scary because I'm wracked with self-doubt. Should I spend a year of my life editing something that's not good to begin with? I wish there was some magic fairy godmother that I could tell my story to, and she could tell me whether or not it is worth pursuing. What if I put in all this work for nothing?
And then the voice inside my head says, "Was there ever any writing that you've done that you felt like was 'for nothing'?" The answer is no. Every abandoned manuscript, every torn-up page of journal, has made me a better, more persistent writer. So there's nothing else to do but keep at it. Even if my lopsided ukelele ends up just living in a drawer somewhere.
But I dream of being published. Of sitting in Barnes and Noble while people bring me free vanilla lattes and I sign books. Of creating characters that people fall in love with (that I fall in love with). Of a novel that keeps people thinking for years after they've put it down. Of a story they can relate to, with noble, courageous characters they want to pattern themselves after. I'd love to be able to make a living doing what I love (whether or not it includes free vanilla lattes).
It may happen, and it may not. But the only way the dream stays alive is if I take the next step.

life after NaNo

2011-12-01T17:21:00.005-06:00

I did it! Fifty-thousand words in thirty days, 11,000 of which were in the last 3 days. It was an amazing, come-from-behind victory.

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but I feel so proud of myself. I had no idea I had it in me, and I really feel like I accomplished something. I have to admit, though, that I'm feeling a bit of the NaNo blues. Tomorrow marks a week since I have written anything, and it's starting to wear on me. I feel so unproductive. The hardest part about writing for me is maintaining a balanced routine.

You know how when you're on a diet, and you don't eat anything but boiled kale and carrot sticks and then you go out and run three miles, and you do it for six days in a row? Me neither. But I hear, that after that, you have a bad day where your child screams for 57 minutes straight, you fight with your husband about who must have stolen your credit card and mysteriously charged a $143 purchase at Target, and you somehow manage to burn your boiled kale. And then you eat everything in the pantry. Including the week-old bag of stale Cheetos and a jar of molasses.

Not that I've done that, or anything.

I'm that way about dieting, but I'm that way about writing too. It's feast or famine. It's "I'm busy becoming a novelist for a month, so we'll eat cereal for every meal" while I write, or it's nothing. I'm left wondering what to do now. I don't want to quit writing, but I can't maintain the break-neck pace of November. And I have to work off the extra 5 pounds (okay, seven) that I put on while sitting on my ass all day, typing furiously.

So my next goal (and it may have to wait until after the holidays), is to keep a balanced life, but one that includes exercise and writing. And I have an inkling that it will be way harder than writing 50,000 words in a month.

sweetness

2011-11-20T21:22:00.003-06:00

I know I blog fairly often about Cate's sassiness. And don't get me wrong; she's got plenty of that. But maybe I focus a little too much on that because those moments make the best stories or get the most laughs. She's growing so fast, and she's starting to pay attention to what kinds of stories I tell about her. Her little ears perk up when she hears her name in a conversation. So I'm making more of an effort to note the sweet things she does. And let me tell you, there are plenty of them.

We had the most amazing morning last weekend. One of her new favorite games is playing with her kitchen dishes. She sets up her little table with the cups and plates and serves coffee to Cory and me. She adds the coffee, then the cream, and then warns us that it's hot before we drink it.

That seems like a pretty normal game, since we are both pretty heavy coffee drinkers (especially since I'm in the middle of novel-writing). I also love the not-so-normal part of the game where all of a sudden cookie monster (who she thinks is just a tad on the scary side) is found swimming in our cups and we have to run to the trash can to dump him out. Or this week, it was mini versions Dani, Eric, Jake, and Seany who were trapped in our cups, and I had to let them go so they could run off down the table.

So that morning, we played the coffee game, and we danced around the kitchen to some of my girly music. Then she decided she needed to wear her pink skirt to dance in. After we got it on, she said, "Pretty! I wanna show my daddy." I just thought that was the sweetest thing, how it's so innate for them to want to impress their daddies at this young age.

-Other sweet moments have happened during the week with little E here. E is pretty sensitive to loud noises. We went to Jump N' Jungle last week, and there was this little gang of very active and very loud 3 or 4 year olds. They kept running by and screaming, which would leave E in tears. Cate went over to him and rubbed his hair, saying, "It's ok. It's just noise. Noise not scary." Then she kissed his hand!

-Later that same day, we put him down for a nap. She always tells him, "Night, nights!" and blows him kisses. That day, she also sang him her favorite song..."La, la, la, la, Elmo's song." So sweet!

-As you know, since we moved Cate to the toddler bed, we don't always have the easiest time getting her to sleep. She's done a lot better lately with staying in her bed initially, but she almost always comes to our bed around 4 in the morning to lay with us. On one such occasion, she climbed in bed with us, and we tried to settle ourselves around her. A few minutes later, I hear her giggling. She was saying, "Paci's, mama. Paci's!" I tried to shush her, but Cory whispered that she was dreaming. I rolled over just in time to see her smiling in her sleep, dreaming about pacifiers.

-This last thing I'm labeling as "sweet" mostly because it benefits me. Let me add as a disclaimer that I do not nag when it comes to the toilet seat. So she did not learn this from me. This happened completely on her own...When Cory leaves the toilet seat up, she goes and points to it. She says, "Oh no! Don't do that, Daddy." He is quick to apologize, but she has to belabor the point by saying. "Don't DO that!" again. Once she even added, "Cate fall in!" I love it!

Here are a couple more random sweet pictures that her daddy took. You might have seen them on facebook, but I thought these edited versions were swoon-worthy!

NaNo Week 2

2011-11-16T22:47:00.003-06:00

My second week of novel-writing was a week of ups and downs. I was behind, but kept some momentum going. I'm quickly learning that the weekends are my downfall. On Friday I didn't write a single word because it felt like I hadn't been able to hang out with my husband all week. Everyone said the excitement would wear off in week two, but that wasn't really true for me. At the end of the first week, the novel had taken a pretty drastic turn, so I was excited to keep going to see where it would lead me. Finally, yesterday on the 15th of November, I reached the halfway point- 25,000 words. I was finally caught up.
Let me pause here to say, that the most amazing thing happened this week, and I think it is the main reason that the excitement hadn't worn off. Emileigh, my writing buddy extraordinaire, and I decided to start doing 30-minute word sprints. We set the timer on the oven in my kitchen, and pounded away at our keyboards trying to see who could get the most words in the alotted time. It was such a rush! I think we're kind of addicted, because we still try to race by texting each other even when we're not writing in the same room together. My most productive half-hour produced 995 words. I had no idea that I had it in me to write practically 1000 words in 30 minutes! It made the huge gap in where was and where I was supposed to be seem a lot smaller. Plus, some very interesting things came out of that frantic writing. It's like you don't have time to think, so weird stuff just starts exploding onto the page.
And so we began week three. After my celebration at having successfully reached the halfway point on time, I went into shut down mode today. I didn't want to look at my novel. I didn't want to think about it. I was (am) tired from staying up too late, and creatively drained. Luckily, Emileigh and I had our weekly Starbucks writing date, and she had a vanilla latte and pound cake waiting for me when I arrived. We avoided our novels (sort of) for an hour and a half while we chatted. We talked a lot about our storylines, so I think it was productive. And it was an absolute necessary recharging moment for me. I squeezed in 700 more words before calling it a night.
So, now I am behind once again (Oh sweet victory, your spoils last only a short while!), and starting to feel a little burnt out. I'll keep hammering away at it, though. I'm in too deep to give up now. And when times get rough, I have Emileigh to race me back into word-count bliss.

NaNo Week 1 Recap

2011-11-07T22:15:00.002-06:00

Today on my seventh consecutive noveling day, I should have at least 11,669 words. Drumroll, please....no really....beat on the table or something....try not to spit on your neighbor....can you see that I'm stalling?.....10,518 words.
It took all of three days for me to get behind. I have made up some serious ground the last two days (my two-day total reaching roughly 4,800 words), and I'm hitting my stride once again.

Some things have surprised me about the process. I have had to accept the fact that it's getting really messy. When I'm under a word count crunch, I don't have time to go back and change things that no longer fit with the story as it evolves. In fact, from what I hear from experienced writers, doing so is a story killer. And now I can see why: letting your inner editor critique what you've already written is an instant creativity crusher. I go from free, sword-wielding, head-scarf-wearing, gypsy Jessica to severe, serious, black-pumps-and-business-suit wearing Jessica. And no one can create whimsical stories in a business suit. So every word stays, whether it needs to be there or not.
As a result I have three different font colors all with different significances, have demoted a main character to a minor one, and promoted a minor character to heroine. I have two different settings at the moment, that may or may not converge. I have written in first person perspective from two, no three! different characters, and then switched to third person because I wanted to tell the story differently. It's complete madness over here.
And I like it.
I'm becoming that person who gets cranky when they haven't written all day.
And I like it.
Week two, prepare to be squashed. You will yield to my crafting prowess and beg for mercy.
Teehee.

NaNoWriMo: Day 1

2011-11-01T20:38:00.003-06:00

Happy birthday to my new novel! Hooray! Today's writing goal was 1,667 words and I reached...(drumroll please...) 1,701 words. Yay me.
It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be, but also very satisfying. I love to begin writing assignments, and don't do so well at continuing them, so I know it will get harder. But I'm up for the challenge.
I pretty much have three units of time when I can write. These would be early in the morning before the other inhabitants of my house wake, midday when my charges are napping, and evening after Cate the Great goes to bed. I was hoping that I would get most writing done during two of these three times, and still have some time left for socializing, lounging, and general revelry. Today, it took just about every spare minute of all three times to complete my required word count(though you see I still squeezed in a blog post). So, my suspicions are affirmed...this will not be easy.

However, I loved writing at my newly-reformed writing desk by the front window in my house surrounded by some inspirational quotes that I pinned around myself. Listening to instrumental music through my headphones while pounding away at the keyboard was one of the most satisfying things I've done in quite awhile.
Now, on to day two!

rainy day lessons

2011-10-27T13:12:00.002-05:00

-The kids will ask to go outside at least 100 times.
-Cate will ask why the sun is still sleeping.
-They will want to play with playdough and draw with markers. When you finally feel comfortable enough to look out the window for .3 seconds, they will stick them in their mouths.
-You will feel sorry for the dog and let him in. He will need to go back out to use the bathroom and then get muddy pawprints all over the floor.
-E will try to pull his nubby little tail, and try to point at him and order him to sit even though he is eye-level with him. Clive will refuse.
-Cate will chase him around and insist that he take his bone with him everywhere he goes. She will shriek when he licks her.
-The kids will get restless and start to bicker. Cate will get a spanking for spitting on her friend. (Ew.)
-She will have to go to time out so much that E will start randomly running to the fireplace (time out spot) yelling "No! Time out!"
-This will irritate Cate so much that she'll push him down.
-They will want hot lunches and then hold on to your leg and whine the whole time you fix it.
-They will ask for ice cream (even though its 40 degrees outside) and you will acquiesce just to give them something to do.
-Their sheer joy at eating ice cream will warm your heart.
-They will try to feed the ice cream to the dog.
-The house will get relentlessly, ourtrageously messy.
-They will wrap themselves in cozy blankets in their beds and take naps without a fight.
-Instead of cleaning the outrageously messy house, you will curl up on the couch next to the snoring dog and write.
-You will feel so incredibly, undeservingly, jubilantly peaceful.

NaNoWriMo

2011-10-21T15:00:00.000-05:00

"Deadlines bring focus, forcing us to make time for achievements we would otherwise postpone, encouraging us to reach beyond our conservative estimates of what we think possible, helping us to wrench victory from the jaws of sleep.
A deadline is, simply put, optimism in its most ass-kicking form."

The quote above comes from Chris Baty, author of this book and founder of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). In just 10 days, I am setting sail on an awesome, heart-wrenching, sure-to-be drama-filled adventure. I am participating in NaNoWriMo, which means I will be writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days through the month of November.
(Pause for collective gasp.)
It's time, folks. It's time to stop dreaming and start typing like a maniac. Since the rules of the contest state that you must begin a new novel, I will be putting my much-stressed-over manuscript aside for awhile and begin afresh.
I am hoping to get a word-count widget for the blog so you guys can cheer me along (because I have a feeling I will need much encouragement and cajoling). I love this "Month-Long Novelist Agreement and Statement of Understanding" which is included in the afore-linked book to sign:
I hereby pledge my intent to write a 50,000-word novel in one month's time. By invoking an absurd, month-long deadline on such and enormous undertaking, I understand that notions of "craft", "brilliance", and "competency" are to be chucked right out the window, where they will remain, ignored, until they are retrieved for the editing process... I also acknowledge my right as author to substantially inflate both the quality of the rough draft and the rigors of the writing process should inflation prove useful in garnering me respect and attention, or freedom from participation in onerous household chores.
I acknowledge that the month-long 50,000-word deadline I set for myself is absolute and unchangeable, and that any failure to meet the deadline, or any effort on my part to move the deadline once the adventure has begun, will invite well-deserved mockery from friends and family. I also acknowledge that, upon successful completion of the stated noveling objective, I am entitiled to a period of gleeful celebration and revelry, the duration and intensity of which may preclude me from participating fully in workplace activities for days, if not weeks, afterward.
Signed: Jessica Hendricks
NaNoWriMo Participant 2011

So that's what I need you guys for: encourage me, push me, threaten me, check in on me, and generally shame me into finishing. At the end of this thing, anyone who has written 50,000 words is deemed a "Winner" of NaNoWriMo.
And I will win.

continuing the conversation

2011-10-20T16:00:00.002-05:00

I love all the facebook comments I got about my food industry post. I guess I halfway expected everyone to ignore me or tell me I was crazy and paranoid. It does my heart good to know that others are thinking about these things, too.
It's really hard for me to go all the way in one direction. I'm very moderate and empathetic, I can usually see and understand most people's points of view. So it's difficult for me to discern a set-in-stone path. Some people label themselves as "thrifty" or "green" or they're all about convenience. I find that I can't be any one of these things, I have to try to balance them all. We have a fairly strict grocery budget and a toddler who subsists mostly on chicken nuggets and shredded cheese. I'm sure you guys understand.
I think it's fair to ask, with all this new (to me) knowledge, what am I doing to change?
-Organic foods and free range meats are more expensive than "regular" foods, and we are on a very tight budget (namely, one teacher salary). Mostly, I'm more aware of the options now. I know that United Market Street sells free range beef and chicken, and Sprouts has a wide organic selection as well as antibiotic-free meat. I watched the mail circulars, and when the meat at Sprouts went on sale, I stocked up. Then, when a recipe calls for something like a whole chicken, I try to spring for the free range one because the price difference isn't that big. Small steps, I know.
- I think the biggest thing I'm doing right now to change is learning to cook and reaquainting myself with vegetables. I signed up for an online program called e-mealz which provides you with a weekly menu and recipes for only $5.oo a month. It really doesn't have anything to do with going organic, but it's helping me branch out and try new things. It's helping us eat more veggies, and discover we like them. Yes, it calls for some unhealthy ingredients occasionally, but I think it's helping me in the long run because it's teaching me about flavors and challenging me to use ingredients I normally don't touch. (Shocking things like tomatos and whole chickens.) I feel like learning to cook is the first step in the process.
- I have made a date to go visit the Apple Orchard in Idalou to gather our own hometown-grown apples to make Cate some organic, homemade apple sauce. Maybe I'll even get a pie out of the deal, who knows?
- (You may want to sit down for this one.) I have not bought any chocolate for over a month now. Worldvision, a charity I trust and support, recently released this article. I was shocked to find out that about 96% of the chocolate industry uses child labor or human trafficking. The industry was given 10 years to slowly faze it out, and they have done virtually nothing. It's just unacceptable. Chocolate is a complete luxury item, and I can't have it at the expense of children's lives. (Oh but Cate LOVES M&Ms! We haven't had to throw down yet, as she is mostly fooled when I buy skittles instead. I don't know how to explain this stuff to a 2-year-old.)

I would love to hear what you guys are doing. Teach me your ways, tips, and tricks! I am a novice in this field, so I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm hoping to latch onto some garden-savvy folks so they can be my mentors. What are your favorite organic products? Where to you do most of your shopping?

P.S. I promise some cute Cate posts soon, for those of you who came to the blog and felt cheated. :)

food fight

2011-10-17T22:17:00.005-05:00

Alright everyone, here's your fair warning: It's soap box time. I tend to steer clear of controversial topics because I'm an avoider of conflict by nature, but I can't stop thinking about this. I'm pretty new to this discussion, so forgive me my ignorance. I am mostly writing this because it helps me process my own thoughts, and I really think this is important enough to share with you guys (and it will be documented for the future me as well).
End disclaimer.
On to topic: The food industry.
Most of my information comes from either the documentary Food Inc. (which is on instant watch on Netflix) or the book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. There is so much outrageously wrong with the food industry, that I don't know where to begin. Poor treatment of animals and farmers, unsustainable farming methods, genetically engineered plants and animals, the amount of fuel used to ship food half way around the world, the lack of cleanliness of products, and lack of regulation by government agencies...the list goes on, and it's not pretty. I think I'll just highlight some of the more shocking things that I have learned in the past month, and if you're interested, you can read more for yourself.

1) A very small number of corporations control a very large amount of the food we eat. In the 70s, the top 5 beef packers controlled about 25% of the market. Today, the top 4 control more than 80%. We have virtually eliminated the small farm. So, the problems that I'm about to talk about are true for almost all the food we're eating- not just what's found at fast food restaurants. We're buying it at the grocery store, too.

2) The treatment of animals is atrocious. We have such a strange relationship with meat. We want it boneless, in a form that in no way resembles the animal from which it came. I am so guilty of this. I want a boneless, skinless chicken breast, and I'd prefer not to touch it before it's cooked. The problem is, cows are being packed into what the industry calls CAFOs (Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations) where they can hardly move, they are up to their knees in their own manure, and they're being fed corn. (I'll get to this part shortly.) Then we ground them up and have literally thousands of cows in one hamburger. Nevermind the fact that it totally strips them of their cow-hood. Even if you d0n't see the cow as anything except a precursor to a hamburger, you have to be worried about the health issue. With that much manure caked onto their hides and the speedy process with which they are slaughtered, it's impossible not to get some into the meat. Read: e coli outbreaks. So what's our cure for this? We have another factory "sanitizing" meat bits with ammonia, labeling it "meat filler" and it's landing in 80 percent of fast food "beef." Grossed out yet?

Chickens have no better lives. They are owned by the corporations from the minute they hatch. They are sorted on huge conveyor belts and put into a chicken house with no windows. They never see sunlight. Additionally, they have been genetically altered so that we can have a full grown chicken in half the time it takes to grow a natural chicken. And which part is the dinner-time favorite? You guessed it, the breast. So we grow chickens with bigger breasts- so big in fact, that the chickens bones do not have time to catch up with it's fast growth, and they cannot even hold themselves up to walk. So they can't move, they sit in their own feces, they never see sunlight. When I went to the grocery store this week, I was going to buy a whole chicken. When I was looking for the right size for my recipe, I noticed they were all exactly the same size: 5.9 pounds. Every single one. That's not a chicken anymore. It's a human alteration of a chicken.

3) The treatment of farmers and workers is dismal. Farmers who partner with these big corporations get trapped in a cycle of debt that they can't escape from. They end up obligated to continue working for these huge corporations just to keep a minimal amount of money in their own bank accounts. Additionally, the huge factories that process the vegetables or meat actually send buses across the border to Mexico to collect illegal immigrants to work for them. They'll work for them for 10-12 years and then the factories will turn them into authorities a few at a time, so as not to disrupt their production. It's dispicable.

4) Corn. Oh my. You probably know that you are hard-pressed to find a grocery store item that doesn't contain high fructose corn syrup (or some other corn product). Seriously, go take a look in your pantry. I'll wait. These mega-corporations are producing mostly corn. The corn is going into everything we eat....even the food our animals eat. Cows, chickens, even fish are now eating corn. Cows do not eat corn, they eat grass! We feed them corn because it's cheap and it makes them fat fast. If it's making the cows fat fast...hmmm, wonder what it's doing to us? If the cow is not able eat healthy food (grass), I don't think their meat is going to be as healthy for us as it could be. Also, corn is subsidized by the government, so we are able to sell it for less than cost of production. That's putting a lot of farmers in other countries out of buisness (which is why those immigrants I talked about earlier are having to look for work elsewhere.)

5) Genetic modification. Short version (because this rant is getting long): we are changing food to make it more convenient, and so we can ship it all the way across the world. In return, we are getting less healthful, less tasty food. But it looks pretty. So that's nice.
Check out this quote from Kingsolver's book. "U.S. farmers now produce 3,900 calories per U.S. citizen, per day. That is twice what we need, and 700 calories a day more than they grew in 1980."
This one keeps me up at night: "In fact, all the world's farms currently produce enough food to make every person on the globe fat. Even though 800 million people are chronically under-fed..., it's because they lack money and opportunity, not bcause food is unavailable in their countries. The UN Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO) reports that current food production can sustain world food needs even for the 8 billion people who are projected to inhabit the planet in 2030."

Ok, so now what? I would be loath to present all these problems without some sort of solution. It sounds so hopeless, but there are things we can do. I'm beginning the process, but I have so far to go.
1) Buy organic foods, foods without anibiotics, and free-range meat. If possible, buy things that were grown/raised close to where you live. (I didn't even get into oil usage!) Admittedly, they are not cheap, but by buying only the cheapest products we are paying another kind of price. "The multiple maladies caused by bad eating are taking a dire toll on our health- most tragically for our kids, who are predicted to be this country's first generation to have a shorter life expectancy than their parents."
2) Grow a garden! Every little bit helps, and you know exactly where those veggies came from.
3) Support legislation that encourages proper labeling of food products, and helps local vegetable (not just corn) farmers.
4) Cook at home.
5) Buy fruits and veggies that are in season, so they don't have to be shipped around the world to land on your dinner plate.

I'm tryng to practice what I preach. It's a slow process. It's a difficult thing, to change a life-time's worth of eating habits. I hope you'll hold me accountable, though.

corn maze

2011-10-06T15:00:00.000-05:00

The McEwens invited us along on a trip to the corn maze last weekend. It was a lovely fall morning and a charming pastoral setting, so it was only appropriate that Sam and Cate spent the entire morning running around hand in hand like this: They looked at the farm animals together, and fed the pigs pretzels when their parents weren't looking.
They made their way through the mini maze...

and did a pretty good job of keeping us straight in the big maze. (Although we did have to keep them corralled- they would have just wandered off without us if we'd let them.)

And here's sweet Emmalee, just taking it all in.Love these sweet kiddos, and their parents too!

therapy

2011-10-05T13:39:00.003-05:00

This was so true for me this morning. I've struggled with fitness lately. My overall activity level is just lower staying at home than it was teaching. When I was teaching, I never sat down, I sometimes jogged down the hall to catch kids or make copies, and I bustled around the classroom constantly. Staying home with two toddlers doesn't require quite so much bustling (most days).

So I've been gaining a bit of weight and feeling mopey about it. I don't think it would bother me so much if my clothes would fit, but I'm getting tired of only being able to fit into t-shirts.

I've tried some different things to get myself moving. I love to run in the morning- first thing, before anyone else is up, before coffee and breakfast. Unfortunately, I found it very difficult to set my alarm for 5 am or earlier and actually get up to run. At that early hour, I am not completely rational, and I can talk myself out of almost anything. I did it for a couple of weeks, but when Cate wasn't sleeping well I could always talk myself out of it. Then she started waking up as soon as I did no matter how quiet I was. So then I'd be frustrated that A) I didn't get my run in and B) I was up way too early with an active toddler on my hands.

Then I was introduced to Moms on the Move, a completely free stroller fit class. I have to say that I was a little skeptical. I mean, all those women singing silly songs while they do lunges at the park together- it looked pretty goofy. I gave it a shot, though, and I loved it. I'm not one of those people who ever enjoys working out. I do it because I know I need to, but I never get addicted. I never really want to. But I actually looked forward to going to stroller fit. There were different instructors, different parks, and different workouts nearly every time. It definitely met my need for variety. Plus, knowing other people were there to do it with me kept me accountable. And if that weren't enough, keeping the kids entertained kept my mind of the exercise, and it went by so fast. This class was so not for sissies, either. Those moms could kick some butt! We worked out for an hour, and I would always walk away sweaty, tired, and usually sore for a day or so. It was awesome.
But there was one problem. Poor E, he hated the whole business. He did not want to be sitting still in the stroller, and he cried and cried. I tried bribing with snacks (even candy!) and taking his favorite toys along. I tried talking and rocking the stroller. Nothing worked. Cate had a big time. She liked ordering me around and watching the other moms, but E was not going for it. So the stroller class is a no-go for now, at least for awhile. When they move indoors I may give it another shot or when E gets a little older. I just can't have him crying like that.
So today I tried something new. I downloaded the Couch to 5k app on my phone, and set out with the double running stroller. We went to the park and made several laps, and the kids were great! They enjoyed hearing my phone ding, indicating it was time to run, and then they'd both yell, "Run! Run!" Awesome motivation. When it was time to walk, we'd talk about the trees or birds or trucks and I'd dole out the snacks. It worked really well, and it ended up being a pretty challenging workout since I was pushing a good 65 pounds of kid-flesh plus another 25 pound stroller. Perhaps I have found a sustainable mommy workout routine. (crossing fingers)
Plus, when we were all done, I pulled the kids out to let them play at the playground. Cate looked up at me and said, "Good job running, Mommy."
I melted.

Picture found here.

all spice

2011-10-04T15:14:00.003-05:00

I have a problem with spanking. I've never been against spanking, per se...you know, spare the rod and spoil the child and all that. Plus, I try to withhold passing judgment on how other people discipline their children because every child is different and requires different methods.
I've never had a problem with spanking, but I didn't want to spank my child. Well, I've said before that Cate often pushes me out of my comfort zone, and this is one of those areas. I love her, you know that. (If not, see previous post.) But I've got to be honest here, that girl is ornery. She's got a mean streak a mile long. The last week or so has been the kind of week where I'm ready to throw up my hands and give up at being a parent. (Because I don't feel very good at it right now, and I tend to quit things I'm not good at. Character flaw.) But that's the thing about parenting, you're not really allowed to give up.
This girl has a knack for finding my weaknesses- both emotional and physical. I'll give you an example of each:
Cate ran a little fever yesterday, so I thought I should keep her indoors. We stayed home all day. ALL DAY. Inside. Cory didn't get home until around 6:30, and I had had virtually no adult interaction. Plus she was really whiney. I was feeling pretty blah about myself and life in general, and Cate had just been tap dancing on my last nerve since before my alarm went off in the morning. (How is it that she always comes into my bedroom at least 5 minutes before the alarm?! Why can't I even get up early for some alone time?!) So I'll admit it, I was looking forward to bedtime, when I could just space out for a little while and hang out with my husband.
Right. We must have put her back in bed twenty times. I took away every stuffed animal she sleeps with and told her she could not watch Pingu (ugh, that's a whole other story) the next day. We thought she was asleep, so Cory got in the shower and I got in bed. Then I had to put her back to bed three more times. When Cory got out, I was rolled into a ball crying and Cate was lying in his spot. Ever the chivalrous husband, he could see something had to be done. He proceded to tell her he would spank her if she got out of bed again. And then he did.
And then he laid on the floor next to her bed until she fell asleep.
So that's my emotional example. My physical example is just that she's always elbowing me in the boob which is really painful/annoying and she's always pinching the flabby part of my belly which is really obnoxious/infuriating.

Other instances this week that may or may not have brought on spankings:
-Cate purposefully locked herself in the bathroom twice to keep me and E (the other toddler I keep) out. When I put tape over the lock, and she realized she couldn't get it off, she had a spectacular melt-down.
-When I have to go to the bathroom she races me to it, and tries to use it before me! Most of the time it's not a big deal, I just wait until she's done pretending to go and then I go. But this one time I really had to go! So I had to hold her away from me (stiff-armed) while I used the bathroom and she tried to use all her little toddler strength to get at me. Afterward, she cried for 5 min. straight, immediately stopped and then came into the kitchen and peed in the chair.
-She intentionally threw sand in a little boy's eyes at the park.
-She tried to pee on my foot, which takes some devious plotting for a girl, if you think about it.

So I don't know. Lord, help me. I've told her if she intentionally t-t's anywhere except the potty she will get a spanking. The Play-dough reward for staying in her bed works about half the time. Taking Pingu away seemed to make somewhat of an impression. We shall see.
Sometimes it's just all spice and no sugar.

she makes me better

2011-08-18T13:09:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, I can get into a rut. I can start thinking of how easy it was before I had a child. How I could run into the store, grab some necessity, and be back in my car before the song on the radio was over. Or I think about all of the things I could do if I didn't have a kid. I would go to Europe, or write that pesky elusive novel, or I could go camping every weekend. But it's silly, because the truth is that I didn't do those things before. And when you have kids, you find the time to do the things that are important to you.

And then God brings to mind another list. There are so many ways that having Cate has improved my life. It's astonishing really. See for yourself:

Things I wouldn't do if I didn't have kids:
- Jump on the trampoline at 8 am. (Actually, I wouldn't even have a trampoline.)
- Chase ducks at the park. (It's quite exhilarating.)
- Watch ants on the sidewalk. (Eli likes to watch them; Cate likes to stomp them.)
- Splash in a blow-up pool in the front yard with my husband.
- Weekly finger-paints that most certainly turn into whole-body paints.
- Catch all the humor in Toy Story. (Although, after watching it about 17,000 times, I think I've got it now.)
- I wouldn't say things like, "Don't lick the sidewalk!" or "Don't lick the hand rails!" (on the chairs at the airport), or "Don't lick the dog!" (Does anybody else feel me on this one?)
- I wouldn't be as friendly. One of my favorite things about being pregnant was that people at work I had never talked to, family members with whom I'd never done more than idle chatting, even strangers on the street were all of a sudden striking up conversations- and I had something to say! And it doesn't go away with kids. It's like you enter a whole mommy community and all of a sudden you have common ground with all kinds of people. It's awesome.
-I wouldn't have as many friends. I have met some really amazing moms and we keep in touch because of play dates.
-Backstory: I am afraid of flying, and have a very regimented routine to keep myself calm. I sit by the window, I stare down at the ground, and as long as I'm not rushing toward it, I feel ok. Not good, but ok. Last time we flew with Cate, she had to sit by the window (plane's rules) and she would NOT leave the window open (Cate's orneriness). So, I wouldn't have sat in the middle seat on a 3 hour flight with the window closed.
-I wouldn't have sat in the rocking chair at 3 am with her hands clutched around my neck thinking, Please, God let this never end.

She makes me a better, stronger, braver person.

you win some, you lose some

2011-08-16T19:44:00.002-05:00

Mimi: Did you have fun at church, Cate?
Cate: Go potty.
Mimi: Did you go tee tee in the potty?
Cate: Nooo.
Me: She had an accident right before we got there.
Mimi: Oh. That's okay.
Cate: I tee teed on my shoes.

tinkle, tinkle little star

2011-08-12T22:32:00.003-05:00

If you don't like potty training stories, read no further. I promised myself that I wouldn't post anything on FB about potty training, and I've stuck to it so far unless provoked (Dani). But I can't help but write a little about it. I'd say I'm writing for all those moms who have yet to go through it and would like more info, or that it's for when I'm trying to tackle the same task with the next child and need some courage. Really, though, it's because it has struck such an emotional chord with me that the words are spilling out.

We had two false starts with potty training. The first time, I wasn't ready. The second time, she wasn't. She cried, begged for her diaper, and held it all in until she was about to pop. She was in break-down mode, which didn't seem like a good place to start to learn a life-changing skill. So I put everything potty related in a closet for a month where she couldn't see it. Then, when she started to show a little interest this week, I got it back out again.

Today marks day three of potty usage. She had two accidents today, but many more successes. We went to the park and spent several hours at the McEwen's house with no incidents. I was so impressed because there were so many little ones running and playing. It would have been completely understandable if she had an accident, but everytime she needed to go, she came running to tell me.

It will sound silly to all the non-parents, and maybe even to some parents, but I have never been so proud in my life. Seriously. The sweet sound of that little tinkle hitting the plastic potty inspires genuine smiles, shouts of joy, and dances. I always thought parents had to put on that show for the little ones, but it's not a show at all!

Who knew that it would be like this? That right now, there's nothing I'd rather hear than, "Mama! Teetee!"?

she doesn't ask for much

2011-08-12T22:01:00.002-05:00

{in the car}
Cate: Moon is up!
Me: Yes, the moon is up. (If you don't repeat what she says back to her, she'll keep saying it over and over and over and over.)
Cate: I have it?
Me: (silence)
Cate: Peeeese?
Me: (stumped)
Cory: Yes, Cate you can have it. But we have to leave it up there in the sky. Is that ok?
Cate: Uh huh.

Nice one, Dad.

two going on sixteen

2011-08-10T15:25:00.005-05:00

Me: Do you want to go ride in the car?
Cate: Keys!
Me: I got 'em, let's go.
Cate: Cate drive.
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Cate has loved Elmo from the first moment she laid eyes on him, so we couldn't help but be relieved when she took an interest in Toy Story. She would watch bits of the movie, but her favorite parts were the songs. She would have us play the scene with "You've got a Friend in Me," over and over, ordering us to dance. Then we discovered that Toy Story 3 was on Netflix instant watch, and she fell in love. She likes Buzz and usually asks, "What Buzz doin?" She brought a Woody doll home from Grandma's house and carried it around constantly for days. The amazing thing was she actually kept up with his ill-fitting hat.
But all of that was before Jessie. When the red-headed cowgirl makes her grand entrance in the movie, Cate yells, "Here comes JESSIE!" She now insists that I braid her hair like Jessie everyday. (Which is fine by me, since up to this point it was a fight to get her to let me brush her hair at all.)
When she came home from Grandma's house last night, she had a Jessie doll with her. She ran from the car to the door to show her dad. Then she slept with it. Throughout the night we could hear, "Yodel-eh-hee-hoo" and lots of other cowgirl phrases coming through the monitor.
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Cate has recently become very interested in babies. She even asked to hold baby Haylah on one of our playdates. She was very sweet, hugging her and kissing her. After a few minutes, though, she said that she was "heaby" and had to let me hold her instead. She is also very fond of Emmalee. When I ask if she wants to go see Sam, she usually responds with a resounding, "YEAH! ...And Emmy too?"

And speaking of that beautiful little baby, we are so thrilled that she has helped Cate discover her future career choice!

bryan and micah- wedding edition

2011-08-05T15:05:00.001-05:00

I don't think this wedding could have been more perfect. The weather was lovely; the beach, breath-taking; the bride, stunning; and the groom, debonair. Pluse, I kinda have a crush on the photographer. You will too, after you see these photos. the entire wedding party: I don't think I've mentioned that the picture on the header of my blog is also one of Cory's Playa pics. Georgeous, the lot of em, eh?

let's talk about mexico

2011-08-04T13:52:00.004-05:00

July was a month that I'd be fine with forgetting, save our family trip to Mexico. We stayed for a week, which was most certainly not long enough. The random beach shots were a little scarce this year because Cory was concentrating on wedding photos. These few were from my little camera.

This was Cate's second trip to Playa, and I think all in all, it was a little tougher traveling with a two-year-old rather than a one-year-old. She was a little harder to keep entertained, and she could open all the doors in the condo, which kept everyone on their toes. She was wonderful on the actual traveling days, when we went from car to plane to airport shuttle to plane and back to car. Her favorite part might have been chewing gum on the plane during take-off. She keeps asking to go back on an airplane, and I think it's mostly for the gum.

I have to say, though, that being the only ones with a small child on a huge family trip kind of stinks. We're up at 6:30 am everyday and by the time everyone else is finally making their way to the beach, we're heading up for a nap. I was wishing that Cody and Laura were there with August, because they'd probably be on the same schedule as us. Now that my brother's married, and Haley and Buck are engaged, I say it's time for everyone else to do their part. Start having babies!

Check back tomorrow for some wedding pics!

she'd take colorado if...

2011-05-22T21:55:00.003-05:00

Photo credit: pikespeaktv dot com

Looking at pictures like the one above, my chest starts to constrict a little. Couldn't you just sit on that little land peninsula forever? Couldn't you just stare at Pikes Peak and walk along the edge of the water and hike through the hills? I know I could, but I try to tell myself that even if we could move to Colorado Springs, it wouldn't be like that everyday. We'd still have to have jobs and cars. We'd still have to go to the grocery store and pay bills.

Many are asking for details as to why the Colorado trip fell through, and the truth is that it's just not working out. The short version is this: We love the mountains. We love all the outdoor activities: the hiking, biking, and skiing (well, I love skiing). And everyday the wind here blows 40 mph and dirt fills the sky, it blows a little of my soul closer to Colorado. But our family is here. And when I say family, I do mean our blood relatives, but I also mean the people in our lives who have become like family. I know if we moved, we all would miss them desperately.

So that's sort of the emotional side of the story. Here's the practical side: We were planning this trip to Colorado Springs to check it out and see if we wanted to move there. The only weekend we could go was this weekend, and we were going to take a couple of days off work so we could drive it and Cate could go with us. As the week wore on, our house went under contract after being on the market for only 9 days. There were lots of things we had to get done because of that. Then we had some car trouble, and Cory's car is still in the shop. And both of us were in complete stress-mode because we were missing work on the last week of school when we both needed to be packing up our classrooms...since both of us are leaving our schools.

So like I said, it just didn't work out.

I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts about it. Right now, it mostly feels like a relief that it didn't happen. One less thing on our plate. But I know it'll come back around when the wind is blowing, and I want to go trekking up a mountain and get miles away from the noise and the concrete.

So which is more important, the people or the place?

mommy

2011-05-19T21:05:00.004-05:00

Six more school days until summer! Amazing, right? And in case you haven't heard, when fall comes around again, I'm not going back. That means in just six days I will officially be a stay at home mom.

I've had such mixed feelings going through this decision-making process. I have agonized, prayed, talked to people who cared, talked to people who didn't care, wept, worried, and exulted. It's been exhausting, but I have some God-given peace now.

I truly feel that God has been whispering in my ear, guiding me to this decision. Otherwise, it would never have happened. This was never in the plan. Here's a short history of my work-related decision-making.

College

Me: Dad, Cory and I are thinking about getting married.

Dad: You better stay in school and get your degree. Don't be dependent on any man!

Me: (Eye roll)

Engagement

Cory: You're planning on working, right? Cause, I'm a teacher, and well...

Me: Of course I'm going to work. Don't be ridiculous. Not only am I going to work, but I'm going to be awesome at it. I'm going to be the best damn something that ever there was. (Ok, so I didn't say that. But I was probably thinking it.)

Pregnancy

Me: Do, do, do, da-dooo. Of course I'm going to have a baby and work. I'll have summers off. And holidays. No worries. I got this.

First August after Cate is born

Me: (weeping) Please don't make me go back! She needs me. She's part of me, and she's walking around without me. Things will never be okay again ever!

Cory to everyone else: Who is this crazy hormonal woman and what did she do with my wife?

Everyone else to Cory: (nods of agreement, eyebrows furled in we've-been-there sympathy, passing him a secret bottle of whiskey)

Everyone else to me: We know, honey. Don't worry. It'll be fiiiiiine.

Half-way through this school year:

(Lying in bed, reading books)

Me: (Nervous, wondering if I'm crazy) So, uh, Cory. I have a question for you. And you can say no and that you think I'm crazy. Really, I won't be offended. I've just been thinking, and well... I'm still not sure! So don't think I've made any decisions, so....(on and on and on)

Cory: Are you thinking of staying home with Cate?

Me: (Tears. Happy, scared, thankful tears.)

Look, I want to make it perfectly clear that I don't think that this is what every woman should do. I know there are some women who should work. And they are awesome, and their kids are awesome. I knew for certain that I was going to be one of those women. Until I didn't anymore. I have no other explanation for it other than God changed our hearts. I say "our" because it happened for Cory, too. He is not letting me stay home, and for that matter, he's not making me stay home either. He wants me to stay home. I don't know if Cate will be any different because of it, but I know for certain that I will be. I just know that it feels like yesterday we brought her home and I've turned around and she's two. I don't want to miss any more of it than I have to. Plus, I've yet to meet a mom who stayed at home with her kids and regretted it.

There's lots more to say, but I'll have to stop here. But take heart (or beware)! Much more on this topic to come, I'm sure.

outside

2011-05-02T21:15:00.000-05:00

"Oushide, oushide!" Cate yells anxiously, stuck on repeat until someone opens the door. I am so thankful that that 'someone' gets to be me today.

We start by blowing bubbles, which is satisfactory for all of about 30 seconds. She wants to be the one to blow them, but she always exhales upward, swooping her bangs into the air instead of streaming her breath through the bubble wand. Then she sticks the wand in her mouth.

Therefore, the soapy liquid not being useful for its intended purpose, it is instead used as sidewalk paint. Dad is away for the afternoon and it's just us girls, so I say to heck with all decorum. Let's get our hands dirty...and our legs...and our toes...and well, you get the idea.

When she finishes with the bubbles, I grab the water hose to spray off the sidewalk and water the rose bushes. When the flowerbed is encompassed in inviting, luscious mud, her toes can't stand the separation a minute longer. She digs them in like blissful little sausage-shaped worms. She keeps squealing, "Mess!" and giggling in delight.

Finally, the clothes are drenched, she's covered in mud, and she's starting to get a little cold. "Bath," she says decisively and we head inside.

I take one more sniff of wet earth before she pulls me through the door, and little footprints are left to disappear on the sidewalk.

egg hunt

2011-04-20T20:00:00.000-05:00

Dustin and Ashlee invited us out to Shallowater for their church's egg hunt on Palm Sunday. It took Cate a minute to warm up to her friends. Look at that frown!

Cate found a total of three eggs...the perfect amount of candy for a two-year-old!

one more...

2011-04-18T20:30:00.000-05:00

Cate's birthday morning breakfast cookie.

cate's 2nd birthday

2011-04-16T12:53:00.004-05:00

Cate's birthday was a smash hit. I have to say, I had so much more fun than last year. She didn't throw up this year (always a plus) and I think I just worried a lot less overall. She had a blast! She ran around in state of absolute bliss- loving all the attention and all the people.

She still wasn't super-interested in opening presents, but this hokey-pokey Elmo earned a few giggles. Sandi and I tag-teamed an Elmo cake. She did most of the work; I was like her apprentice. It took us several hours, but I had so much fun. Cory has very fond memories of the different cakes his mother made him growing up. I was so glad she was willing to take this on, because I never would have tried it without her. It was a red velvet, with a twinkie nose, cake ball eyes, and crushed oreo mouth. Blowing out those candles with Aunt B. I know this one is blurry, but it captures her mood for the evening. Awesome family

And sweet friends.

Here's one more of Cate and Grandi before they had to go home.

Happy birthday sweet, sweet girl.

22 months

2011-02-02T21:32:00.004-06:00

At her Christmas party eating a snowman: Cowgirl boots from Uncle Bubba:
My lil snow bunny:

Cate is 22 months now, and learns new words everyday. It's been awhile since I've done a Cate update, so I wanted to document some of the cute things she does so I won't forget them.

She has learned how to say please (peas) and thank you (do do). When she says please, she cocks her head to one side. If she's really excited, she'll do the "please dance" where she moves her head from side to side while saying, "peas, peas, peas."
She thinks "I love you" means bye.
She has two favorite babies named Dave and Baby.
She can name all of her aunts now. Previously, she called them all "B." Now she calls Bailey "B," Andrea "Aunt A," and Lacey "SiSi." She asks for them daily.
She has made a friend at daycare called Camie. She calles her Mamie. When we pull into the parking lot she starts saying, "Mamie, Mamie!" Today when I picked her up, Camie was sitting inside one of the toy cubbies, and Cate was poking her cheeks and saying, "Cheeks, cheeks," while Camie giggled. They were so cute! Cate's teacher says that at naptime, Cate will always go and get Camie's pacifier and put it on her nap mat for her. She loves Mamie!
She still loves to have skin-to-skin contact even though she's not big on cuddling these days. She likes to stick her bare belly on our bare bellies or backs. It's kind of cute, but a little unnerving when there's company over.
Her new favorite game is hide-and-seek.
One evening, Cate took a ball that we were playing with and hid it behind her back. She looked at Dad and gave him the "I don't know" sign as if to say, "Where'd it go?" Dad played along and started looking around for it. She thought it was hilarious. She kept telling him places to go look. She'd say "house" meaning her playhouse. When he left to go look there, she pulled the ball out to show me and we laughed together. Then she'd hide it again before he returned. She told him 3 or 4 places to look before she let him in on the "trick."

My little girl is growing so fast and learning so much!

dreamy

2011-01-22T15:32:00.006-06:00

I feeling a little dreamy today. The heater's out again, and I'm cuddled on the couch in my sweater and a blanket. Cate is well into the third hour of her nap. I'm feeling lucky and thankful and nostalgic and hopeful.
I'm dreaming of the future, of houses and babies, of family vacations, of beaches and mountains.
But lately I've been dreaming of the past. I finished a best-seller called The Help just last weekend, on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. That's poignant because it was set in the 1960's in Jackson, Mississipi. It's about a young woman who writes the "stories" of black housekeepers and nannies. I was entralled with the characters...and appalled at how they were treated.
I've also been watching Mad Men which is a Showtime series about the advertising agency in the late 50s/early 60s. So I feel sort of consumed by this time-period, and I just keep thinking that the women in these stories could be my grandmothers, and the children could be my parents. It's shocking, really, how much I take for granted- how much the times have changed.
Most of all, though, I'm just captivated by the characters. It makes me want to read the stories of my grandparents. I wish it was possible to read a blog they had written, or just peek in their diaries. Actually, I wish I could lean at the foot of their recliners while they reminisced and ran their fingers across the top of my head. I'm missing my grandmothers.
Honestly, though, people don't tell their whole stories. Not out loud anyway. I want to know not just the events of their lives, but what it did to them. I want to know the stories. I want to know the hurts and the struggles, the "I can't believe I did that"s and the "I'd do it again in a heartbeat"s. I want to know what my parents were like when they were little, what my grandparents were like when they were single and ornery. I want to know if they struggled with the same things I struggle with.
I think it's unfortunate that we get to know a character in a book so much more intimately than our relatives. I've often thought that if I could go back in time to just observe, I wouldn't choose a major moment in history. I'd go back to see what life was like for my parents before I came around.
I'm feeling a little inspired, like maybe I should take a pen and yellow note-pad and take down people's stories. I know it's hard though, for someone to be that honest with someone else. But I think that's something we should strive for.

my dearest catherine,

2010-12-10T22:50:00.002-06:00

(Note: I find that in order to assauge my anxiety of sounding like a bad mom, I must address my daughter directly in this post. Otherwise, it might sound like I'm criticizing her in the public eye when I'm really just recording these antecdotes for posterity's sake. It's kind of like when Southern women say "Bless her heart" and then launch into a string of insults. It's just to make themselves feel better. Thus, I begin this post: Bless her heart...and mine.)

My dearest Catherine,

You know I love you with all that I have. And it's a good thing that you're cute as can be because sometimes I think Clive could have better luck raising you than I have so far. Now, at 20 months of age, your vocabulary is growing at an amazing rate. Still, one of your clearest and most oft-used words is "NO!" Athough you have the ability to say it sweetly, you more often scream it, and even accompany it by thrusting your fist into my chest, digging your nails into Dad's face, or even an occastional chomp of the teeth.

However, one night you chose an even more creative way to say "no."

You only eat cheese and bread. I'm beginning to give up on veggies altogether, but one night I, in some burst of misguided optimisim, thought you might try a potato. C'mon, I thought, it's not even that good for you. Surely you'll like it. I made some potato soup and fixed you a bowl. You greeted my bowl of homemade soup with gagging noises. Spiteful child.

I, of course, am not perfect either, and I went into full-mom mode. "Well, you can eat this, or go without dinner!" I declared. I lasted through about an hour of your screamy, whiny, grumpiness before I gave in and made you some chicken nuggets. ("But she is NOT getting cheese!" I told your dad.)

Another adventure we've had lately occured at our first night at a new Bible study. We were going to a house we had never been to before, full of people we had only met once. It's safe to say that I was a little apprehensive about taking you; I even said so to Dad in the car on the way. Turns out, my apprehension was totally validated. We weren't there a full half-hour before you vomited on their carpet. Then you terrorized their old, blind dog. (In your defense, you were just playing. You love dogs. You love them loudly and aggressively.) Then, when the teaching began, you ran back and forth accross the living room, hollering triumphantly and occasionally stealing another boy's football.

You've taken to refusing to wear pants in the morning. You're very particular about your shoes. I had to hide your white sandals that are a size too small because you keep insisting on wearing them even though it's the middle of December. You sometimes even get angry with me when I put on my shoes, for no apparent reason.

Just today in the bath, you narrowed your eyes at me, placed a full cup of water on the edge of the bathtub and slowly inched it toward me in an attempt to spill it in my lap.

My dearest Catherine, you are a handful, and sometimes I think it is all a campaign for you to be our only child. Still, you definitely have your sweet moments. Although you have stopped giving us kisses, you make the cutest face when you are giving rapid-fire fist bumps. You insist on taking Clive for walks, and you and I had the best time in a mid-kitchen empty coke bottle sword fight. When you lay your head on our shoulders, it absolutely melts us. You demand that the three of us hold hands and dance around to Katy Perry. And your giggle is my favorite sound in the whole world.

I love everything about you,

Mom

and the winner of the paragraph pitch contest was...

2010-09-22T21:22:00.003-05:00

not me. :( Oh well, you know, I'm new to this and it takes a long time to get it right. I really enjoyed reading the winning entries, though. I would love some of the books they described.

The really exciting news is that, in true Sarah Timmons style, I am taking a half-day off work tomorrow as an early birthday gift to myself to do a webinar by agent Mary Kole. She will be teaching about all the ins and outs of what is required for making your book publish-worthy. Not only do I get to participate in the hour and a half webinar, but I get access to all the materials for a year, AND (here's the good part) I get to submit the first 500 words of my book to her for a critique. I'm so excited to get some relevant feedback on my writing. I'll let you know how it goes!

paragraph pitch

2010-09-14T22:27:00.004-05:00

I've been reading a lot of writing blogs lately. There's so much information out there from authors, author-hopefuls, and agents. I've even stepped out of my comfort zone a bit and entered a few contests that involve "pitching" my book. The first one I entered had to be in Twitter format (140 CHARACTERS -not words- or less), and was really difficult. I didn't even come close to winning, but I learned so much from trying to squeeze all the information into that short space while still being unique and packing a punch.

The most recent contest I entered was a little longer- a paragraph pitch to be no longer than 5 sentences. It ends tomorrow at midnight, and then the agent will judge the entries. The winner gets a query critique or a first chapter critique. It's so fun and intriguing (and a bit intimidating) to read all the other people's entries and see what kind of books they are writing. So anyway, I decided to post my paragraph pitch here as well. Let me know what you think!
Here goes nothin':

Elliana thought the stories her abuela told her were just family legends. But when her clumsy behavior lands her in alternative school, obsessive-compulsive Jillian and mind-reading wannabe Javier help her delve into her own untapped power. While on a trip to Mexico to visit her grandmother, Elliana accidentally unleashes the spirit of an ancient ancestor, banished inside the binding tree, who has been waiting to return to power for over four hundred years. As the ghost gains strength by stealing the memories of her loved ones, it's a race between deception that's centuries in the making and awkward teenage self-discovery. Can Elliana realize her own strength before she loses her family- and their history- forever?

Thanks to Shelli at Market My Words for hosting the contest and getting my mind to work in new directions!

in case you didn't know

2010-09-01T20:27:00.002-05:00

It's my birthday month!

This is what I want for my birthday.

I'm starting to hyperventilate just thinking about it.

this is where i have been lately...

2010-08-29T16:40:00.002-05:00

...when my mind gets clouded and my stress level threatens to pop my head like an overinflated balloon. (I was going to say "like an overdue zit" but that was too gross.) I mentioned this in my last post about Big Bend, but the more time I spend away from there, the more I miss it.

There are places that have absolutely taken my breath away (I'm thinking Grand Canyon, San Francisco, New York City) but this place enlivens the senses with its newness and feels like home all at the same time. I must have been a songbird in West Texas in a past life. Or perhaps a javelina. Take a look:

Ahhhh.....

weekend pics

2010-08-29T13:44:00.003-05:00

It has been a truly glorious weekend. Nothing like working hard all week to make me appreciate my time off. We've spent time with friends and family, watched movies, played at the park, gone to the gym and been otherwise productive...and we still have half a day left! But I know you're not here to hear about my weekend...you're here to see pictures just oozing with cuteness. And I'm not one to disappoint.

Doesn't get any cuter than that.

daddy time

2010-08-10T19:00:00.000-05:00

Cory says he has very little experience with tea parties, but he's Cate's favorite partner for some pretend tea and mini-cakes. She'll even mimic the drinking sound when she puts the little cup to her mouth.

Cate is 16 months old this week, and is seeming more like a little girl than a baby. We're in full-fledged toddler mode. She has done so well at daycare, and she gets excited when we walk in the door. It seems like she really enjoys getting to be around the other kids. Her vocabulary has expanded some, and now includes: ball, go, bye, done, hot (she said it once), and the ever-present dog and na na.

She loves to swing and she can now go down the slide at the park. She is very interested in music, and has taken to head-bobbing and shaking her "rock fist." She seems exceptionally fond of the music her aunts expose her to, especially when they sing and tell her to shake her booty. Recently she enjoys spending time with her aunts and grandma so much that she cries when she has to come home to mom and dad.

Her new trick is to walk backwards. Instead of turning around, she'll usually just go in reverse, especially if we tell her to "back it up." She is learning some body parts, and can point out her belly and nose. We're trying to teach her ears next, so she can tell us when she has an earache!

lake travis: part 2

2010-08-04T08:39:00.007-05:00

DAVID

BRYAN

MOM

ANDREA

BAILEY

LACEY

Unfortunately there are no pics of Cory. Thus is the plight of the family photographer.

Also, this is my first experiment with photo layout editing, so excuse the rough parts.

lake travis: part 1

2010-07-29T14:17:00.002-05:00

The condo on Lake Travis had a pool and and a hot tub, and Cate would always go swimming just after sunrise before everyone was awake.

Where'd Grandma go?

We will be so excited when she doesn't have to wear such a bulky life jacket. She's a good sport about it up to a point, and then she's done. A constant stream of pretzels and grapes kept her happy on the boat. Then when we stopped to swim, she prefered to dangle off Grandma's legs and be dipped in the water.

long line of beach bums

2010-07-16T21:53:00.003-05:00

If there was ever any doubt, we now know for sure: Cate is my child. She loved the beach! I love this picture, because it so accurately captures the spirit of the trip. Cate is running toward the water, and I'm trying my darnedest to keep up with her. She squealed with delight in the waves. She didn't even mind getting the salt water in her face. She isn't the least bit scared of the water.

In the mornings, we'd go to the pool first, but she'd always start pointing to the ocean soon after we got there. She couldn't wait to get into the sand!

This is her super model pose.

We had a great time at Playa. It was even better than I had hoped because she was excellent on the plane. She slept all night while were were there and would spend 3-4 hours napping during the day because she was so worn out from playing in the water. It was a fantastic vacation!

first haircut

2010-06-29T10:50:00.002-05:00

Cate got her first haircut last week. She was so great; she LOVED being pampered. It helped that the salon was pretty slow that day, so everyone was watching her. She was eating up all of the attention.

She liked sitting right in front of the mirror so she could look at herself up close.

Then she got a little too excited by her own reflection and leaned too far forward. She smacked her forhead on the mirror! It was the only time she cried. But I had to post this one because she's got that big pitiful bottom lip sticking out

She even let him blow dry and style her hair! She was the ideal little customer!

Writing Update

2010-06-23T11:30:00.002-05:00

Ok, so every summer I delcare that it's the "Finish the Novel or Bust!" summer, and this season is no exception. I've been consistently writing since school let out, but it is such a slow process! I'm up to 60 single-spaced pages which, at this moment, equals 29, 131 words. I think I'm just over half-way done and I have the rest of the novel planned out. It's just a matter of getting it on paper.

I'm struggling a bit with creating interesting scenes around the dialogue. I recently read a book that had a very interesting concept and some decent dialogue, but the characters were always driving somewhere and talking, or sitting somewhere and talking, or eating and talking, or playing frisbee and talking. It was boring! I know you want to strike a cord with real life circumstances, but no one wants to read about the tedium of someone else's life.

In addition, I have some limited time slots for my writing (i.e. during Cate's naptimes). So it's hard to get a chunk of time carved out to devote exclusively to the novel. I always have to sit and stare at the screen for at least 30 minutes before anything starts flowing. And I'm sometimes frustrated because I don't have those 3o minutes to waste!

Ok, I just thought I'd share my progress and frustrations. My friend, Memzie has been awfully inspiring with her progress in the 30,000 words in 30 days campaign. Keep it up, Em!

summer fun

2010-06-23T11:13:00.002-05:00

We're practicing for our upcoming trip to Mexico. Cate has been loving the water. She's just a little fish: kicking, splashing, putting her face in.

This morning we fed the ducks at the park. (Well, I fed the ducks. Whenever I gave Cate a piece of bread, she'd hold it out to the ducks and then jerk it back and stuff it in her own mouth at the last second. She's a tease.)

the adventures of catherine the great

2010-06-09T09:50:00.005-05:00

It was just about time for a morning nap, and Catherine and her mama were rocking in a very comfy chair and reading a very interesting book. Just as Catherine began to doze off she heard "Arf! Arf! Arf!" right outside her bedroom window.

She sat up as straight as a fence post and harkened her ears toward the window.

"My friend Clive sounds like he's in distress," Catherine thought to herself. She pointed to the window, signaling to her mama that she thought they should check it out. When they got outside, they realized that Clive was not alone in the backyard!

"Rawr, Rawr, intruder! Arf, arf," Clive barked. The turtle looked terrified and scrambled alongside the porch. At first, sweet Catherine was frightened by all of the racket. She wrung her hands, wondering what she could do to ease the tension between the two friendly creatures.Catherine is such a brave and clever little girl; it didn't take her long to think of a solution.
"I know, Mom! Let's put the turtle in the box and set him free in the front yard. That way Clive can relax in peace...and so can I!"
The turtle seemed a little anxious at being put into such a small space. He was used to the wide open air. Catherine offered him some of Clive's water to calm his nerves, but he wasn't interested.

The turtle was wiley and courageous. He didn't shrink into his shell like most turtles would. No, he scrambled around, looking for a means of escape. He nearly scaled the walls of the box!

Finally, the turtle and the girl made it to the wide open expanse of the front yard. "You're free, Mr. Turtle, free!" Catherine called.

"Goodbye, turtle friend. Have a safe journey home," Catherine waved. She smiled as Clive barked his thanks from behind the backyard fence. Her work complete, she plodded away, ready for the next grand adventure waiting just around the corner.

home with my baby!

2010-06-01T14:40:00.002-05:00

It's summer!! Hooray! I'm so happy to be home and to have some family time. We have some trips in the works, but my three main goals for the summer are:

1) Hang out with Cate

2) Continue working out

3) Write!!

Cate started a new daycare today and she's going 2 days a week. I can spend some time there with her to help her get adjusted, and then I can have a few more hours to devote to my goals. I think it's a good plan. I hope it's a good plan.

Here are some random shots of my little one (a toddler now!) First, she uses her old car seat as a recliner. She'll point to it so we set in on the ground. Then she wants her bottle and she leans back and relaxes. Just in case her arms get tired, she can throw those feet up there too! Spaghetti! Of course her favorite food is the messiest! But she's always been a pasta baby...even in utero.

She ALWAYS wants to be outside. When she's inside the house she's either looking for someone to take her outside, or she's watching the "gog."

In the stroller...

Or in the wagon...

Let's see...new and recent developments include blowing kisses, walking full-time even with shoes, unlatching the child safety locks by herself (yikes!), pushing the boundaries by throwing food and eating dirt (she knows she's not supposed to!), sleeping through the night (HALLELUJAH!), and speaking German. (Ok, so that's stretching it a little, but sometimes she babbles in a German accent. Seriously.)

watch out, world

2010-05-16T21:59:00.000-05:00

dirt road

2010-05-15T20:40:00.001-05:00

I think it’s time to take a drive,

man it’s been too long

and you know it sounds so sweet.

Cuz when the gravel hits the tires

it’ll right the wrongs

of too much city, and too much concrete.

Take me to an old stock tank,

or the Devil’s river bank,

that fishing hole that stirs my memories.

Take me to a cold deer stand

or shooting guns at old beer cans.

You won’t find street signs where I wanna be.

I wouldn’t give a nickel to have it paved in gold.

Everything I love is at the end of a dirt road.

by: Josh Abbot Band

one-girl band

2010-05-15T07:03:00.001-05:00

I apologize in advance; this video is really not very good. I took it, realized it was too dark, and then immediately took a longer, brighter version. However, the better one is apparently way too large to post here and in some strange format that is not recognized by lots of places.

So alas, we are left with this one, taken inside our living room cave.

Yes, she is playing the drum and the baby piano and singing. Yes, she is awesome.

ups and downs

2010-05-13T20:01:00.004-05:00

Alright guys, I'm going to level with you. Being a parent is wonderful, it changes your life for the better, you wouldn't trade it for the world and blah, blah, blah. All of that is true. But I'm not going to lie; we had a couple of months there that felt like they would never end. Cate cried...all the time. In her defense, she was sick constantly. I am not exaggerating when I say that we were in the doctor's office every week. Ear infections, allergies, vomiting. It was non-stop. We ran on very little sleep until we could no longer function, and then the grandparents would take over.

I'm telling you, there were days when I would work all day and be exhausted sitting at my desk and not want to come home because I knew she was just going to scream at me. And I felt guilty for thinking such a thing. I felt like I was in over my head, like I was failing at being a mom.

I just wanted to say all of that because no one ever writes about how sometimes it's all you can do to just get through another day. Blogs, magazine articles, books...they all say how wonderful it is to be a parent. So when it's not going like that for us, we feel guilty. Like something is wrong with us because we aren't giddy with joy whenever our daughter smears a fistful of pureed squash in our hair.

Being a parent is stinkin' HARD, and anyone who tells you different is lying to your face. But the storms pass...the squash washes out, we find a perfect combination of allergy and acid reflux medicine, switch to soy milk and voila! We live to see another day.

Things are better now. They have been for a few weeks, thank the Lord. She's even teething right now, and it isn't half as bad as what we were going through last month. She's happy; joyful even. She is just exploding with new skills. She's walking more and more, saying a few words (gog! for dog), and communicating through hand-signals. She loves being at home with Grandi and Mimi during the week. Jennifer, Paula, Mom, and David all kept her some last week, and she had fun with each of them. It truly does take a village to raise this child! I am so thankful for everyone around us who rush to our aid before we even ask.

This is what her daddy calls a "code 6." It means "I want YOU to pick me up."

Right now she uses everything as a phone. She'll put it up to her ear and entertain us with a series of ahs and uhs. Grandi indulges her by letting her call her Opa on the phone sometimes and talk with him. She thinks that's pretty funny.

She bops to any music, even the rap music that plays as the people drive by with their windows

rolled down. Here she is dancing with a cracker. "I've got a cracker, I've got a cracker,

I've got a cracker, hey hey hey hey."

birthday madness

2010-04-13T23:03:00.003-05:00

Everything was lovely: the beach themed decorations, the red velvet cake, the gifts, the guests. Case in point, check out the beautiful banner made by Cory's cousin, Amanda.
Cate, however, did not have much of a nap, so she was a little bit cranky. She wasn't very interested in cake or presents. She did look awfully cute, though, in her 2 birthday outfits and matching hat.

Much to her mother's chagrin, Cate doesn't usually tolerate being read to. It usually takes about 5 seconds before she slams the book shut and throws it on the ground. So you can imagine my delight that Dad caught this picture of her engrossed in one of her new books.

Heh heh. I love this picture. Mimi, you don't know this, but you're about to be covered in vomit. It's true, the poor thing threw up at her own birthday party.

And really, there's only one thing that can get a mom (and grandmom) through a night like that...wine, wine wine!

Since she didn't really "dig in" to her cake like we'd hoped, I also wanted to post these pics from her actual birthday. We celebrated with her favorite food (mac and cheese) and cupcakes.

Here, Mommy, have some.

Mmm.

catherine evonne: a love story

2010-04-08T00:24:00.000-05:00

Six a.m. on Tuesday morning I got up to take a shower before work. As I walked into the bathroom a stream of water trickled to the floor. I had a suspicion of what was happening, but honestly if my water had broken, I was expecting more of a gush. I had heard of some women's waters breaking in the middle of the night so I went back to the bedroom to check the sheets. Cory was still mostly asleep. As I ran my hands across the completely dry bedding, he asked me if I was looking for my cell phone. I shook my head at his sleep-talking, simply responded in the negative, and went back to the bathroom. I was pretty sure my water had broken, but didn't want to needlessly freak out if that wasn't the case. I went ahead with my shower, deciding that if I was about to have a baby, I'd rather be clean while doing it.
When Cory's alarm went off, I explained to him the situation. He was definitely surprised- he eyes grew large and he kept a deer in the headlights look for most of the morning. But he was calm and business-like, continuing to pack all the things we had neglected to gather. (We were scheduled to induce in exactly one week, and Dr. Broome said it was unlikely she would come before then.)
I remember squeezing a stuffed bear to my chest on the way to the hospital and Cory was compulsively changing the radio station, wanting to find the perfect song to play on the day our daugher would be born. (Or so we thought.)
When we checked into the hospital, we found that my water had indeed broken, but I was not yet dialated. That should have been the first clue that we were in for a long day.

To make a long day into a short story, we sat in anticipation as contractions slooooowly built. Even though I wasn't in immense pain, my body was tiring out. Early afternoon, the nurse came in, said I was still a 4, and I cried. A few hours later, the epidural. About 11:00 p.m., time to start pushing. 12:00 too little progress, and at 12:24, surgery. I remember shaking with fever (and probably adrenaline).
They hooked me up to an oxygen mask and tied my arms down. Cory sat next to my head, his voice soothing me and calming the shakes. Finally, I heard my baby- Catherine Evonne or Eden Rebecca?- crying for the very first time. When they laid her next to me for only a short second, we leaned our heads close together, acknowledging each other's familiarity. Yes, you're the one, our spirits whispered to each other.

I just kept thinking Look what we made. We- the three of us- with God doing most of the heavy lifting.
It was close to two in the morning when they wheeled me to the nursery to hold her for the first time. My family crowded around us- we huddled together in the hallway- and greeted our newest member. A moment of absolute perfection.

Catherine Evonne, you amaze me. You make me love and care and worry and laugh in a way I never knew to imagine. You surprise me, challenge me, and delight me every single day. Growing up surrounded by so many people who love you, you may begin to think you're the center of the universe.

And you're right.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

pitter patter

2010-04-06T16:54:00.002-05:00

and here we go...

new pics

2010-03-27T21:22:00.003-06:00

It's been a long and trying week. Cate's been running fever due to sore throat, teething, and allergies. Also, for reasons I won't go into here, we are looking for a new daycare. I share all of this just so you can send prayers our way.

Now on to some cuteness!

Check out those chompers.

Looking all grown up...

Daddy's hair makes a good handle bar, don't you think?

my new favorite place

2010-03-20T13:05:00.000-06:00

Santa Elena Canyon was one of those places that instantly makes you feel smaller, nostalgic, and like you're 7 years old again. The rock walls stretch endlessly toward the sky while small children splash in the Rio Grande at its feet. Upon entering the grand presence of the canyon, it felt as if there was nothing else in the world to do but slosh in its mud, climb its immense boulders, and explore its shoreline laced with sand and giant cattails. In short, it was wonderful, and I'm pretty sure there's a small section of heaven that looks exactly like this.

As we were leaving, we saw this painter readying his easel to paint the sunset. Until we meet again, S.E. Canyon, I will think of you with a sigh and a smile.

texas is not flat...i have proof!

2010-03-19T14:07:00.002-06:00

Our Big Bend vacation was lovely. Two whole nights away from Cate was tough, but we managed. It was so nice to visit a new place, hike and camp, and get to just be together. I actually took some pictures this trip, so most of the ones on this blog are from my camera. Cory will post some of his, too.

Here is the view from our longest hike, the South rim trail of the Chisos Mountains.

Another peak in the park. The white mound looks like sand, but it is actually hardened ash. Half of the park was created from volcanic activity. I had to check out the white mounds, so I got out of the car and ran on top of one. Hard as a rock!

This was one of my favorite parts of the hike.

As we walked along the trail, we realized we were being spied on. Check out this guy's little horns!

More pics to come of my favorite part of the trip!

11 months

2010-03-07T22:12:00.004-06:00

Gosh, it's hard to believe that she's already 11 months old. We are celebrating the arrival of a new friend, Elisha Irwin, and as we visited Garrett and Lori in the hospital I couldn't help but reminisce. I'll save all the memories for next month's post, but I'll just say that this has been the most dramatic year of my life. In a good way.

Now, on to the princess herself (or the drama queen, as the daycare calls her). She has learned that she can make quite a racket with the cabinet doors, and she creates impromptu beats and dances with them.

She got this balloon for Valentine's Day from Grandi and Opa, and she loved it so much! She played with it until it just collapsed into a sticky, slobbery, worn-out pile of goo. She wanted to hug it...
and kiss it!

She has enough hair now that it is sometimes messy when she wakes up from a nap.

And, of course, she is still the picture of absolute cuteness. For further proof of that, pictures of her fish face on Daddy's blog are hysterical!

And the new drama of the month: teething! Wish us luck with that one. :)

basketballin'

2010-02-28T17:36:00.003-06:00

This weekend we spent some much-needed time cheering on our favorite basketball star. The Lady Cats played in the Regional Championship, which is the farthest our school has ever been in the playoffs. Here she is: the beautiful, the talented, the fabulous Lacey!

STUFFED!

Doesn't my mom look gorgeous in this one...even with the green antennae?

Andrea & Bailey and friends are part of the noisy jr. high section.

Cate tolerated a tiara.

Congrats, Lady Cats!

10 months

2010-02-09T18:57:00.002-06:00

Oh Catherine, my Catherine. It has been a month of highs and lows. We had two glorious weeks of a baby who slept through the night, loved to be able to move around, and was constantly happy and giggly. Then the all-too-familiar ear infection set in once again. She's currently recovering, but it takes soooo long to get back into our sleeping routine.

Cate can now crawl with alarming speed, and she pulls up on everything. She likes to "cruise" along the yellow couch because it's just the right height to help her walk. She will rarely eat actual baby food; she'd much rather have little pieces of whatever we're having. It's fun to watch her feed herself because she does it with such intensity. Like most people in my family, she's serious about her food. She is constantly babbling "da da" and "ma ma." We also think she may mean that she wants a bottle when she says "na na." She claps for herself and plays patty-cake.

She loves to take a bath (and much to her mother's dismay, she also enjoys drinking the bath water) but she hates putting on her pjs.

It's so much fun to have such an interactive baby! It just keeps getting better the more she learns and the more we can play together!

i like my sporting equipment made of chocolate

2010-02-09T18:38:00.003-06:00

My friend Evan mentioned bakerella on her blog, and being in a cooking state of mind lately, I had to check it out. I made these delicious, though slightly blobish truffles for our Super Bowl party. I wasn't quite patient enough for the whole process; about half way through I gave up on piping the laces. Plus I think they would have been tastier dipped in white chocolate, which the recipe originally called for. But all in all, a nice little treat!

beauty

2010-01-26T19:45:00.003-06:00

Just a few snapshots...

such an explorer

and those gorgeous eyes

Cate has been an absolute delight recently. She is full of joy and energy.

If I could freeze time, I'd set up camp here for awhile.

favorite christmas pics

2010-01-23T16:24:00.002-06:00

9 months / christmas recap

2010-01-09T08:01:00.002-06:00

Cate is nine months old, and she is officially mobile. This week, she finally started crawling, and she is so much happier. I think the past week she was really getting frustrated, and that's why she was fussy. She now has a range of motion in her repertoire: rolling, army crawling, hands and knees crawling, sitting up, and even an occasional pull-up to standing. Over Christmas break, she just exploded with showing everyone all the new things she could do. She started saying ma-ma every once in awhile and da-da all the time. She makes tongue-clicking noises, and she be-bops to the music of all her new toys.

It was wonderful being home with her for the 2 weeks of Christmas break. Some of my favorite parts of Christmas were:

*playing basketball with Cory and Jess. Clive tried to get in on the action, but after he dropped me to the ground, we had to eject him from the game.

*Grandi and Crabdaddy teaching Cate how to give a high-five

*Cate opening her first presents. She had such an intense and aggressive look on her face when she tore the tissue paper. "Feel my wrath, tissue paper!!"

*gift card exchange games

*playing Monopoly with my siblings on Christmas morning

*cooking- Dad taught me to make his famous spaghetti and meatballs. Then, on a girl's day the lovely ladies and I had the courage (and time!) to try our hands at homemade cinnamon rolls. They were yummy!

*The Sanford's New Year's party and Cate's first overnight visit to Grandma's. We got a little silly and stayed out way too late.

*Laughing and visiting with all of my peeps!

Pictures to come!! There are so many to sift through and upload, but I promise I'll post some soon.

our stories

2009-12-10T23:03:00.002-06:00

Our book group has been reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, Donald Miller's new book. Cory and I have been really inspired by it, and after I read a little I can't get it out of my head. Very simply put, it's about living a better story. I wanted to share an excerpt from the book that keeps bouncing around my brain. I keep going back to it because it rings so true.

He's talking about how through a series of events he ends up hiking the Inca trail in Peru. The trail is an "excruciating" hike, climbing up a 14,000 ft. peak, then down, then back up to 12,000, then back down toward Machu Picchu. I'm picking up the story toward the end of the hike:

"We didn't hike to the Sun Gate the next morning; we ran. We ran on blistered feet and sore legs. We got there, and it was fogged in, so we sat along the rock, on the ruins, and waited for the fog to burn off. We sat and sang songs. And it was like Carlos said, because you can take a bus to Machu Picchu; you can take a train and then a bus, and you can hike a mile to the Sun Gate. But the people who took the bus didn't experience the city as we experienced the city. The pain made the city more beautiful. The story made us different characters than we would have been if we had skipped the story and showed up at the ending an easier way.

"We walked among the ruins in the fog all morning, in the footsteps of the Inca's. We ran our fingers along the perfectly sculptured rock used to create the walls of their dwellings, rocks cut square to sit on rocks cut square, all built without mortar.

"It wasn't only the pain of the trail that made you appreciate the city; it was the pain of the landscape, steep in the mountains of the Andes, spiraled towers of natural rock, cliffs dropping for a thousand feet to the river. And the houses, the weight of them and the perfection of their lines, spoke of the many dead Incas who gave their lives to build the city.

"The pain made the city more beautiful. The story made us different characters than if we'd showed up at the ending an easier way. It made me think about the hard lives so many people have had, the sacrifices they've endured, and how those people will see heaven differently from those of us who have had easier lives."

It reminds me that pain has a purpose.
It reminds me that I'm one of "those...who have had eaiser lives."
It reminds me that, no matter the difficulties, I don't want to skip the story.

go! fight! win!

2009-11-21T10:15:00.003-06:00

Wreck 'em Tech!

we're still here... little letters

2009-11-20T12:57:00.002-06:00

Little letters idea stolen from Sarah. She's so great.

Dear oogey germies and illnesses,
Kindly stay away from me and my family. I am painfully low on sick days, and like it or not, I feel it is necessary for me to start working 5 days a week soon. I hate to be rude, but I am rooting for the many antibiotics and anti-bacterial soaps in my house to give you a sound thrashing.

Dear virus of the electronic kind,
You win. You have shocked us with downloading vulgar websites, annoyed us with incessant pop-ups, and wasted several hours of our lives. Please go away now. We would very much like to access all of the photos of our precious baby that are contained on that laptop. Not only do Cory and his productivity suffer, but the blog suffers also. And nobody wants that.

Dear job,
You're on thin ice, buddy. We're not married, and I think I need some space. It's not you, it's me...oh wait, no, it's you.

Dear 5th grader,
Thank you for the heart-shaped note that said, "The son shines in the ower of your teching."
I keep it in my desk drawer, and sometimes it's what gets me through the day.

Dear Thanksgiving,
Thank you for coming between me and aforementioned job. You got here just in time.

guilty pleasures edition

2009-10-15T21:26:00.004-05:00

You know those days that are so hectic that you begin one task only to switch to another and then realize that you should have finished what you started in the first place, but before you get to it you find something else to do? They result in little storm clouds inside your head, like radio static in the folds of your brain. We've been having a lot of those lately. Just to illustrate my point, I'd like you to know that twice this week I have spilled an entire 16-ounce cup of water on the floor at school (with a room full of 10-year-olds who naturally cannot keep themselves from walking through it) and had nothing to clean it up with except for the paper towels that come from an automatic dispenser that expels 6 inches of paper at a time. Wave your hand in front of the sensor, six inches comes out, wait, wave your hand again, another 6 inches....you get the idea. It's frustrating.

It's at these moments that I think of my guilty pleasures, "and then I don't feeeel soooo baaaaad." The first one is Glee, the new show on Fox. It's fantastic- high school misfit drama meets perfectly cliched characters meets fun hip hop sing along musical. I cannot even think of the show without smiling. I look forward to it all week.

Next, if you've been around us lately, you've probably been annoyed by the Zombieland references. Usually it's just Cory plotting strategies for proper control of the undead, but I can't help but join in lately. It was the perfect role for Woody Harrelson, I would have loved about 10 more "Zombie Kill of the Week"s, and the celebrity cameo was both unexpected and delightful. It could have been the fact that we went with my brother and his gf to see it at the drive-in that added to the movie-induced euphoria, but I loved it all the same. Load up and go see it- just be sure to buckle up and check the back seat.

Then there's my guilty pleasure songs. Please do not judge my musical taste by these songs as I am embarassed by them. (Not that I have much musical taste anyway- I've been listening to the same 10 songs for like, 5 years now.) First up, "Toes" by Zac Brown Band: fun beach get-away song that immediately transports me to my happy place. Embarrassing factors include repeated mention of the word "ass" and a PBR reference.

Next, "All the Single Ladies" by Beyonce. It gets my hips shakin. I don't know why. I didn't think I liked it that much until I saw it on Glee, and then I couldn't get it out of my head for weeks. I can't believe I'm allowing the whole internet world to see this.

Finally, I am admitting that I find Taylor Swift adorable. Yes, her songs are silly teenagery love songs, but she writes them herself, and she's a teenager so it's ok! So, her "You Belong to Me" makes number 3 on my guilty pleasure song list.

Finally, I round out this post with my tasty treat indulgence, the Wavebender from Bahama Bucks. A 16 ounce coconut rum flavored smoothie topped with whipped cream and a cherry- it's heaven in a plastic cup. I think I could have lived off of Wavebenders and blocks of cheese when I was pregnant. Come to think of it, I think I could live off them now.

six months

2009-10-11T19:07:00.007-05:00

Catherine is now six months old! We ordered some of her birth pictures this week, and it was amazing to see how much she has grown. Now she's rolling all over the living room, and she's beginning to sit up by herself. She can stay balanced for 20-30 seconds before she tips over. She's getting the hang of eating; she especially loves green beans, squash, and bananas. She's always reaching for our cups, so I've been giving her sips of water or juice out of my cups.

This is a really fun age. She's so fun to play with because she laughs out loud at us, and she seems to enjoy interaction. Cory flies her around the room, and she loves it. A good game of horsie always improves her mood, and she's even fallen asleep a couple of times while he was bouncing her.

Happy half-birthday, baby!

Go Tech!

2009-10-10T09:50:00.000-05:00

musical preference

2009-09-27T10:47:00.002-05:00

So last night we were listening to Pandora while we were doing some things around the house. Then Cory started ordering some songs from Itunes while I was playing with Cate across the room. He had listened to several of the Guy Clark snippets before he bought the album, and Cate wasn't paying much attention. Then he moved over to Delbert McClinton's new album. When he clicked on "Mama's Little Baby" Cate wheeled her head completely around (just like a baby owl) and started giggling in the direction of the laptop. When he moved on to some other songs, she turned back and continued playing with me. We laughed and said that must be her favorite song. Then we played it again, and she giggled in the direction of the laptop again! It was fantastic.

So, it's official, Cate's first favorite song is "Mama's Little Baby" by Delbert McClinton. And while the title seems very appropriate, Cate, don't let me catch you shaking your booty all over town like the girl in the song.

pobrecita

2009-09-18T10:00:00.002-05:00

Poor sweet Catherine is currently experiencing another first: First Stomach Bug. This is the 3rd day of it, and she's only been able to keep Pedialite on her stomach. Cory stayed home with her yesterday, and I'm home today. She's sleeping a lot, and just seems generally uncomfortable. She makes sad little noises just like a whining puppy.

She did smile last night. It was 3 in the morning, and I couldn't get her to go back to sleep, so I decided to give the swing a try. When I set her down in it, she grinned up at the metal frame, relaxed her little limbs and fell asleep. So basically, I was out-mommed by a machine. I thought that wouldn't happen until we hired Cate that Robot Nanny that has, at times, seemed appealing. Oh well, I'm just glad she was comfortable for awhile.

Say a prayer for my little one. The doctor says that it has lasted for a week in some children, and we don't want her to have to deal with it for that long!

dove days

2009-09-17T21:57:00.003-05:00

Pictures of the 25th Annual Dove Days are now uploaded to Cory's website. Drop by if you can't get enough of these lovelies. Above: Cate with her Uncle Bubba. Below: Cate plays with Mimi, wearing her first Dove Days t-shirt.

Ah, the lovely scenery:

the giant by n.c. wyeth

2009-09-15T21:40:00.005-05:00

This painting is posted in the hallway of my school next to the art room. The first time I saw it, I was just walking by when it brought me to a complete stop. I don't know what it is: the wonderment of the children, the beauty of the sky, the fantasy of the giant, or the fact that it takes place at a beach, but I think this painting in just fabulous. It's been stuck in my head for weeks now, the way a catchy song sometimes gets. Just thought I'd pass it along, and share a little daydream with you.

possibly the grossest picture of cate ever

2009-09-07T21:05:00.002-05:00

goopy green mess: check

snot bubble: check

generally disgruntled demeanor: check

It's okay, sweetheart, we all have those days.

two milestones

2009-08-20T20:43:00.002-05:00

Cate has started eating cereal. It is a very messy enterprise. Luckily, after she spits the cereal back at me, she usually also slurps it off her hands. And yesterday she rolled over! She's growing so fast!

four months

2009-08-18T07:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know this is a lot of photos. But isn't she sweet?! And she can do so many new things. She is rolling over on her side, grabbing things with her tiny fists, and trying to stuff everything in her mouth. She grabs her feet, squeals really loudly, and laughs out loud occasionally. She's still not sleeping through the night, but she usually only wakes up once to eat. She is keeping us on our toes!

water baby

2009-08-16T12:13:00.005-05:00

Here's my little siren of the sea. She's so good on the water. Even though the life jacket is a little big, she took it like a pro.

When we drop anchor for a rest, she's so happy to be free of all that sea garb.

Of course, all of the new sights on the boat can be surprising.

Cate also played with her pappy on a party barge.
She's even cute when she's mad.

The best kind of summer is a summer on the lake.

woes

2009-08-12T19:54:00.002-05:00

Today was our first day back to work. For about a week now everyone has been asking me if I was ready, and I was sticking to the positive. I was believing that words and attitudes have power and that half the battle of being ready was saying that I was ready. Besides, I've been off for 4 months now, it's time to go back.

When I got to school, though, I felt a little bombarded with the tasks of a new school year. The rearranging, the planning, the deadlines, the test scores. And probably what overwhelmed me the most was leaving Catherine at daycare for the first time. I started out okay because I had psyched myself up for it. I didn't even cry when I dropped her off. I did okay through half a day of meetings, and then I went to visit at lunch. By the time I was back at work, looking at last year's TAKS scores on an overhead projector, I was shakey. By the time I picked her up, I had tears in my eyes just to be back with her again.
It was like someone tore my heart out and gave it to someone else to watch over. I guess maybe you can function without it for a little while but it eventually gets to you. For me, it wasn't an explosive, tearful moment; it was a slow ache.

Ok, I'll stop with the weepiness now. It's just that people warn you about these hard things about being a parent, and there's just no way to prepare for it or know what is going to be like until you do it. The silly thing was that I knew she would be ok. The babysitter is a sweetheart, and I can tell that she loves all of the kids that stay with her. She's been super supportive of me, and even called me to make sure I was doing alright. I guess I'm just jealous of her. She gets to spend all day with my awesome baby. I think I may have to have a talk with her... just to let her know that she's the one who should be paying me to hang out with Cate.

now, back to writing for pleasure...

2009-08-10T16:07:00.004-05:00

So sorry for the hiatus. I know, it's been a whole month since I've posted pics of Cate, and the grandparents have endured with only minor grumblings. So for all of your patience, I submit this video, oozing with cuteness, of Cate's first giggles.

Soon to come: Catherine turns 4 months, Adventures of a water baby, and the parents leave the baby for almost an entire 12-hour period to tackle scenic Guadalupe Peak.

brb

2009-07-29T17:57:00.002-05:00

There is so much going on right now! I am currently smack-dab in the middle of two research papers. Summer school for me will finish up a week from tomorrow, and hopefully after that I'll have time for a proper post. I just felt bad because I just did Catherine's 3 month post, and the next one will likely be her 4 month post. I can't believe how fast this second part of summer is flying by. Now that I think about it, school starts 2 weeks from today. Yikes! I think I'll be ready to start back. I'm more productive when I'm working. A little more super-girl and a little less slouchy-troll.
So, apologies to all of those who so faithfully check on me! Be back soon!

three months

2009-07-07T10:31:00.002-05:00

I wanted a 3 month picture of Cate....just one was all I needed. But it's impossible to choose; I love all of her little expressions. She's so much fun now, smiling and moving around. She can now maneuver her fist to her mouth and make loud slurping noises with it. She even used it to snack on her ribbons, as you can see above. She really likes to kick the toys on her play mat, and she'll stare at them for awhile, but she hasn't reached for them yet. She holds up her head like a pro. She likes to stand up, especially with her daddy, and he likes to hold her while she "dances."

We visited a new daycare today, and we're trying to make a final decision. It's going to be so hard to leave her; I don't even want to think about it! Say a prayer for us that we'll choose the right one for her.

video

2009-07-01T11:45:00.003-05:00

I thought I'd try my hand at a little video. This is what Cate looks like when she's at her most active, all wiggly and cooing a bit.

small victories

2009-06-25T10:07:00.003-05:00

For two nights in a row now, Cate has slept from about 11 to 6:30, waking up only once to eat. (Cue the hallelujah chorus.) I'm also impressed that she'll wake up at night sometimes and fuss a bit but eventually go back to sleep on her own. I feel confident that she'll get a good sleep routine down just in time for us to go on our 4th of July trip and get her all messed up again, but oh well. It's nice knowing it's possible.

In addition to feeling a tad less tired, I actually put on some jeans this morning that buttoned! Hooray! There's lots of things they don't tell you about having a baby-even though I read an outrageous amount of baby books and websites- and one of those things is you'll be wearing your stretchy pants for months after the baby is here. Admittedly, I could have gone out to buy pants that fit, but there was this number in my head that stopped me. Women know what I'm talking about here- that number that they sew into the back of the jeans that can only go up a certain amount and be acceptable. I pulled a pair of jeans off the wrack that was in the uppermost limit of my acceptable range, had a wrestling match with them in the dressing room, finally forced them up over my thighs, stuck my tongue out at them in the mirror and left the store with an elastic-waist skirt. But today I reached a small victory. I'm not going to lie, I'm dealing with a bit of a muffin-top here, but at least the two flaps will come together in lovely, albeit strained, buttoned harmony.

bath time!

2009-06-18T22:00:00.003-05:00

Cate has gone from experiencing bath time with careful wariness, to a cacophany of terror, to a pleasant...dare I say it? glee...if she's in the right mood. Usually if she so much as cracks a smile I run and put her in the bathtub, anxious to get the bath in while we both might actually enjoy it. Sometimes by the time I get the whole thing set up she's already peeved...or asleep. But here is some awww-inspiring evidence that she occasionally enjoys being clean...

Kuddos to my husband, the photographer, who so graciously let me post these pictures instead of keeping all his fabulous artwork to himself.

break

2009-06-14T22:08:00.004-05:00

We made it to about 10:30 this morning before we called in reinforcements.

Let me explain. It all started yesterday when I was making my 53rd lap around the house bouncing a complaining Catherine from window to window. She didn't scream, just threated to, by constantly frowning and yelling hey! every couple of seconds. (She really does this.) She was just letting me know that if I so much as thought about sitting down she was going to really let loose.

So I was feeling rather unproductive because I had had hopes of working out...or doing homework...or writing on that novel that keeps edging further out of my grasp. I was pouty and grumpy as we loaded up to go to dinner (an intelligent ploy by the man of the house to give his ill-tempered ladies some change of scenery).

Cate was content in her car seat- just looking around and being rather quiet. Then she started spitting up. So at a stop sign, I shifted into the backseat and started cleaning her up. She was not bothered by being covered in vomit, in fact, she was ecstatic. When I got into her line of vision, she grinned and cooed. Her eyes got big and she opened her mouth into the biggest smile her tiny face can muster. She looked at me like I was the coolest thing she'd ever seen. (She looks at the ceiling fan with the same unbridled joy, but nevertheless...) It gave me the shove I needed to get over my moodiness.

So today it was Cory's turn. I vowed to get out and do something today. So I left Cate with her daddy and went jogging. I also insisted that he let me mow the lawn today...I was just so tired of being cooped up. But when I came back from the park, Cate was doing the same face-scrunching, half-holler thing to him and he had that crazy look in his eye. That she-won't-stop-screaming, why-does-she-hate-me, where's-the-tequila look. I knew it because I had it yesterday. So yeah, back to the reinforcements- we called grandma and granddad, who along with Cate's aunts, were all too happy to take over for a few hours.

Sometimes this whole mom-thing comes so naturally, everything falls into step. It's easy- this new life that is just a shadow of the one I used to have. It just makes sense that everything is about her. And then there are days like today. I feel a little bad, because it hasn't even been that long since we had a break. Cory and I got to go to dinner together last weekend in Austin. I'm not one of those martyr mothers who lament, "Gosh, I haven't had a moment to myself in...who knows...16 years." I guess since I still have a little selfishness left in me, it's a good thing there's such a huge amount of people just dying to spend a little time with Cate.

In our time away, we got a few things done around the house and caught a movie (Star Trek) that we've been wanting to see for awhile. It took all of about 5 seconds before we were missing her and thinking about going to get her.

One last thing- I want to post some pics we took a couple of days ago. Cate's such an outside baby- she loves to be going places and looking at the trees and lights. We were about to go out walking and exercising when we took these. She was intrigued by the brim of her hat.

champion

2009-06-09T13:00:00.001-05:00

We spent a lovely weekend in Austin- our first overnight trip away from home. It was a looong drive, but Catherine was awesome. She's such a good traveler. Tons of family gathered in a hotel and watched my cousin Jaylen run in the state track meet. It was really hot, but everyone pitched in to make Cate more comfortable. Mom sat under the bleachers (where it was very stuffy) with her out of the sun, and Aunt Nana and Aunt B followed her about with handheld fans. Of course, everyone was ready to lend a hand to carry her around. Then she went back to the hotel and relaxed by the pool with her Mimi and Pappy.

She also made her debut to her cousins (or aunt and uncle, depending on who you ask) Cody and Laura, Tom and Mallory, and her great-uncle Gary. She even got to spend a little time with Uncle Jess. It was a little hectic, having so much family in the same space, but we had a good time.

Coming home was hard because I was so tired from the trip, and I had volunteered to sub for summer school for a couple of days. Of course, Cate was off her schedule, I was off mine, and our house was (and still is) a total disaster. Thankfully, my summer school days are over now and we can start recovering from the trip...packed bags are still lingering all about the house. Someone asked me as I was leaving to sub for them in a few days, and I actually told them no! Go me!

So anyway, I just wanted to post this picture of our beautiful state champion (1st in the 800m, 3rd in the mile relay). Hopefully those medals will rub off a little good luck (and perhaps athleticism?) on our little daughter.

lucky girl

2009-06-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Four years ago today some sparks were a-flyin'.It was the day I got to start my real-life fairy tale with the man who makes me feel like a queen. And oh, the places we would go...

The last four years have been better than I could have imagined and I have received more blessings than I could have asked for. He's my favorite person with whom to travel, to go for a run around our park, to lounge about and watch vampire shows, to dream about the future, and to plan our escape route should zombies attack. He puts a smile on my face, and if I can make him half as happy as he makes me, we'll be smiling for a very, very long time.

greatness

2009-05-30T10:20:00.003-05:00

I've been wanting to post about this for awhile. I'm so excited that Cate has so many great-grandparents. I don't think that happens very often, so I wanted to celebrate all of them. Here they are in no particular order:

Cory's Grandma (I have to call them by the names we call them, since Cate hasn't given them names yet.) She's the one on the right. Cleta is the one holding Cate. She's sort of an honorary member of the family.
Here are some four generation pics. First we have Memaw.

Here's Popppa.

And this is Nee Nee.

Can't forget Granddad.
And these two pics were just too cute not to post:

So sweet!

mommy pics

2009-05-07T11:37:00.004-05:00

I decided to post some of my own pics for a change. The first ones were actually taken by Mom because I was giving Cate her first bath. She did pretty good the first time since she didn't know what was going on. Since then, every bath has been a delicate balance of her testing out her lungs and me trying to stuff a pacifier in her mouth with one hand while trying to soap her up with the other.
We've had a pretty good week together. We've been getting out of the house and going for walks in the park. She's been sleeping fairly well at night...I think there was only one night this week where I was pretty sure someone had switched my sweet quiet baby with a howler monkey.
I try to be a good mommy and not laugh at her when she whacks herself in the face with her flailing fists. Since she doesn't really have control of her limbs yet, she probably thinks I'm the one whacking her in the face.

She turns one month old tomorrow.
Best parts of the last month: her facial expressions and "smiles," putting her in our bed at night when she's wide awake and staring at her wide eyes, watching her sleep on her daddy's chest curled up on the couch, guessing who she looks like (my long toes, cory's eyes), getting to see her family, grandparents, and great-grandparents fall in love with her for the first time.

Toughest parts of the last month: learning to sleep in 2 hour increments (though I think I am getting used to it now...it just takes some adjusting), boo for stuffy noses! she hates it when I have to try to use the nose sucker, I made her bleed once with said nose sucker, overwhelming feelings of responsibility and inadequacy (what will I do if she _____ (gets sick/won't sleep/runs off with a toddler twice her age/gets abducted by aliens/never learns to swim)!?)

I really have enjoyed being home with her. Here are some pics I've taken the last couple of days. I caught some of those precious smiles!

pics, pics, pics!

2009-05-03T14:04:00.005-05:00

I've been meaning to share these for awhile now...apologies to the "geographically challenged" grandparents. These are some shots taken by our friend Melanie Pittman. Check out her website. In addition to a pic of Cate, if you scroll down to some of her earlier posts, you can see some maternity pics of Cory and me. I never got a chance to post any of those because I picked up the disc of pictures on Monday and Cate began her grand entrance on Tuesday. Anyway, hopefully I'll be more faithful about posting more often...I've got a couple of posts already planned in my head, but no promises about how soon they'll be up. Enjoy these for now!

She was so happy to be dressed up.

I'm holding back a few really good ones, too, for possible birth announcements. Give Mel a shout on her website and let her know what a great job she did!

one week

2009-04-15T18:52:00.004-05:00

We have been parents for a whole week! You know what they say, time flies when you're having babies.
Cate is really a great baby. She hardly ever cries, and we've had 2 nights now where the only time she was awake was when she was eating. Cory and I really like to curl up and take naps with her, but we try not to do it very often so she will learn to sleep by herself. The first couple of days she was held so much that she wouldn't sleep anywhere except someone's arms.
And for those of you who are curious to know about all the diaper-changing hilarity, there have been at least six occasions in the last 24 hours in which she has tinkled on something (or someone) other than her diaper. She's a little sneak. Now, for the part you really care about: more pictures!

This is what she looks like when she wants to eat your face.

She likes to sun bathe with Daddy. We have to put her in the window (like a little flower, her grandma said) so she won't turn yellow.
So tiny in her crib!

How you doin'?

Finally, a family shot... (thanks, Diana).

our new love

2009-04-09T08:39:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to take a second to introduce you to Catherine Evonne. She is absolutely perfect. She surprised us all by coming a week before we were scheduled to induce. My water broke at 6 am, we were in labor for hours and hours, I started pushing around 11 pm and she was brought into the world by c-section at 12:24 am on April 8th. She does things on her own time schedule. :)
She is 7 pounds, 10 ounces, and 21 1/2 inches long, and she makes the most adorable squeaking noises and fish faces. We are so happy to be able to hold Baby Cate in our arms. Loads more pictures to come!

introducing...

2009-04-02T15:30:00.002-06:00

Check out Wide Open, the new blog of my very talented personal photographer. Cory's been working on it for several days now, and he's been a little apprehensive about sharing it. I got the go ahead today, though, to present it to the internet world. He's got some great sports shots as well as portraits.

I do have to say that I'm a little worried about the fate of my blog's pictures. I love being able to share all of his great photos, but now I'm sure he'll want to save all the good stuff for his own blog. I'm afraid my blog will sink into a visually appalling abyss. Maybe I can convince him to share a few with me occasionally...or at least distract him long enough so I can steal some.

fourteen days

2009-03-29T19:38:00.003-06:00

We had the doctor's appointment today that we've been waiting for and thinking about for several weeks now. We found out that, according to ultrasound measurements, our baby currently weighs 7 pounds 11 ounces. This being the case, the doctor wants to induce labor on April 14th, two weeks from today. It's all so surreal and somehow shocking even though he warned us 6 weeks ago that this was probably going to happen.

It's been several hours since the appointment, and I can't quite pin down how I feel about the whole thing. I'm definitely excited and surprised. The planner in me likes knowing. I like being able to schedule out everything for my job and make sure everything is ready at the house. I'm a little sad, though, that we may not have that classic it-could-happen-anytime experience where you're at home timing contractions and trying to decide whether or not to go to the hospital. I suppose she could still come before then, but the doctor says it's unlikely. For some reason, for a few weeks now I've felt like she was coming on Easter (April 12), so we'll see.

Alright, so in celebration of the news, I'm finally posting pictures of the nursery. I'm really proud of it. First up, the crib and the bedding:

Then the glorious curtain, made with love by Sandi and Hollye. The chair is a little dark in this picture, but it is velvety and wonderful.This is the dresser that I'm using as the changing table also. I made the circle art on the walls. We'll put her initials on the three middle pieces when we know what the initials are.

Close-ups of my handiwork:
And all those precious little clothes. I don't think I'll have to buy much else for her to wear for the first year of her life!

And finally, here I am, 36 weeks along.

We'll be seeing you, baby love, in just 2 short weeks.

what a (pregnant) girl wants

2009-03-20T09:35:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a complete bust, diet-wise. Not that I'm on a diet, but I try to eat somewhat balanced meals so that my baby turns out...well, balanced. (Nothing worse than an unbalanced baby. I mean, it's already hard enough for them to maintain equalibrium with those huge heads and weak neck muscles. They just tip over. See this random baby on youtube as proof: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhMUbDuQlm0)

So my complete menu yesterday consisted of pancakes for breakfast, chips and queso for lunch, a grilled cheese (made with Eggo's), and some cookies and green velvet cake. Yikes! I'm sort of a carb-fiend on a normal day (the people I work with call Baby H a pasta baby because of all the spaghetti I eat for lunch) but I have another reason for such carbocentricity (nice! I just made that one up!) yesterday. Ok, I promise to stop interrupting myself now with parenthetical comments. I'm feeling sorta spacey this morning...Spring Break will do that to you.

The night before this carb-fest I had a wonderful dream. I was sleeping so hard that Cory actually kicked me and I didn't even move. He claims it was accidental, but I have my doubts. Anyway, in this perfect dream, it was my birthday and all the people I love to be around were with me. We donned formal attire, and I was looking sparkly and fabulous in a flowing gold gown. We were just talking and laughing and having wine and chocolate. Then Cory takes me away from the party to give me a "very special gift." We drive a little ways out into the wilderness. When we are completely alone, he presents me with....(drama inducing pause) a huge bowl of mashed potatoes topped with bacon and chedder cheese! I get to eat this bowl of heaven as we commence a road trip to somewhere spectacular. (In case you were concerned, as I was, about me spilling the potatoes on my sparkly dress, my clothes had magically changed into something more practical and sporty. Because in dreams, you can do that.)

That was the most satisfying sleep I've had in a very long time. And with dreams about potatoes, my day was doomed (or destined!) to be carbolicious!

contentment

2009-03-05T21:46:00.003-06:00

This has been a surprisingly peaceful and enjoyable week. It's been busy, but it felt like more of a productive busy than a frantic one. I can't believe I am saying that about a week that included the TAKS test, but the baby keeps that in perspective. It's working out well because the fact that we're about to have a new life to care for keeps the stresses of work in perspective, and the tasks at my job help keep me from obsessing over the baby. It's quite a nice balance!

My grad school class let out early, so I had some time at home by myself for some baby book scrapbooking. Also, so far the class has been really energizing. Most of the people in there are not teachers yet, so they're still really excited and passionate and idealistic about what the classroom should look like. It's funny because I'm probably the youngest one in the class, but I'm usually the voice of "reason" (or the downer) because I'm thinking things like, "That's a really good idea, but it's not very practical." Or they'll wave their fists and assert that if teachers would just do xyz, then the classroom would be so much better. And I'm smirking to myself and thinking that that would be fine if we didn't already have a-w to do. But it's nice to be reminded of what it felt like before the actual pressures and issues of work and actual students weighed me down. It makes me remember that no matter how deceitful or obnoxious or rude they get, they're still just kids. Just ten-year-olds. And even the bathroom wall scribbler girl really just wants me to like her, and give her some attention. It's nice talking with these other college students about education. It reminds me of my purpose and makes me more compassionate. This week, it's made me a better teacher.

Another reason I think I've been so content this week (and I know it sounds shallow) but I've had all these new clothes to wear! A couple of weeks ago the girls and I all got together and swapped clothes that we had sitting in our closets. It was so much fun, and I got so many new-to-me outfits! People have been complimenting me all week, and that'll put a smile on any girl's face.

I'd say the final up-point of my week was that I didn't cry at child birth class! Yea! (grin) Last week the class started off rocky because of my tendency to be directionally challenged. Compound that with some "pregnesia" and you've got Cory and me showing up to our first child birth class an hour late, with me choking back tears. Fortunately, no one could see that my face was red and puffy because the lights were all off while they watched a movie. Unfortunately, the movie was half way over (and half-way through the stages of labor) so my first glimpse of child birth class was...well, let's just say not pretty. The tears came anew, as the voice in my head sobbed, "I don't want to do that!"
But this week, the shock had worn off a bit, we were on time, and the information seemed helpful and useful.
Ok, I'm done rambling. There's so much going on, and today I am content to be exactly where I am.

changes

2009-02-22T20:27:00.003-06:00

We've been taking a picture every month so we can chronicle the progression of the pregnancy. Here's the first one that we took three months ago, when I was 18 weeks pregnant.And here's now:Quite a change! And not just the belly- my hair is quite a bit longer, and the room has changed a lot as well. Check out that lovely chair rail that we spent so long installing!

On another note, here's an additional change we've made to the house. This is the living room wall just above our gold couch. The picture wall was inspired by the one at my Dad and Kim's house, which we loved so much that we had to copy. They're our favorite photos from the last few years, our travels, and our families. I love them!

And one more pic, just for fun:

big 97

2009-02-17T20:34:00.003-06:00

Shocking news from the doctor's office today. Our baby weighs 4 1/2 pounds! All the books I have been reading say that about 3 pounds is on track for right now. She is measuring about 2 weeks ahead of schedule all the way around. It's crazy because she was right on track at our 20 week ultrasound. Also, she apparently has a huge head as well. (Which should be super-pleasant for me when she decides to enter the world.) Her head size is about 4 weeks ahead of schedule. The doctor kept remeasuring it to make sure he had it right, and he asked, "Um, were either of you really big babies or did you come early?"
So he said he would meausure again in about 6 weeks. If she continues at this rate, we may have to induce at 38 weeks, or he said we may have to consider a C-section if she is too big by then. Look out, Sumo Sam, we may have a perfect match for you!
The good news is that everything still looks good. My blood sugar is normal. (High blood sugar can cause babies to grow to a bigger size more quickly.) And he confirmed that she is a girl, which is comforting since I've already got a closetful of pink.

I know what many of you are thinking..."Do you have a name for this whopper yet?" And the answer is no. We have 3 names for her. We've finally whittled the list down to three first names and three middle names that we'll have to pick from in the coming weeks. Haley and Laura have demanded that I at least reveal the initials, so they can start guessing. Cory and I decided that all the guesses had to be via the internet, though, because I am a horrible liar and would no doubt give the name away. So here they are, in all their glory, the possible (and subject to change without notice) initials of giant baby girl Hendricks:
Cory's favorite: CEH (they just happen to be the same as his own)
My favorite: ERH
A third choice: AEH/ARH

So, if you'd like to venture a guess, just leave it in the comment section. It doesn't mean that I'll tell you if you guess right, but maybe we can put together some sort of prize package for a correct guess. (Like some leftover valentine candy or a photo-op with the newborn beauty.)