Friday, May 19, 2006

Miniature Mugging

I happened to catch a news story during my lunch hour today. Two grown men jumped out of a van, threw a small boy off his mini-motorcycle, put the motorcycle in the van and drove off. In Lubbock, Texas! I mean, you'd probably expect this sort of atrocity to happen in some third world country, but apparently children can't even play with their toys in peace in Texas. I think there is definitely some missing information in this story. It must've happened one of two ways:

1) One vital piece of information when considering this story is that no one saw it happen except for this boy, maybe 9 years old. He said, "They just threwed me off my bike, and I stood up and yelled at 'em. I said, 'I'm gonna call the cops!' and they said, 'Well, you just go ahead and do that then.'" With this bit of info, he could have easily made the whole thing up. I think he was bored, tired of dragging himself along his drive way atop such a small machine. He starts to plot a near-death experience in order to win himself a new and larger bike. He climbs the fence, throws the extra-tiny toy into the alley, and scrapes his knees on the way back over to his yard. He contemplates confessing the whole thing to his mom in order to get some simpathy for the injury, but his tears quickly turn to a deviant laugh as he realizes that it is the perfect completion to his plan. Only a bump on his head could make this scheme more believable. Mom comes running out of the house when she hears the racket of the boy slamming his own head against the wall. "Mom! You'll never believe what just happened!..."

2) The two guys were driving around, looking for jobs (they were obviously hard-up for cash, or they could've just bought their own mini-moto) and lamenting the price of gas these days. They turn the corner and see the answer to all their problems: a small vehicle, powered Flinstone style. The two men look at the boy, then at each other, and holler simultaneously, "Lets get 'im!" The boy only requires a small pounding, since he is less than 1/4 the size of one of them. They race home, goods in the van, laughing and slapping each other on the back.

Whew, it's true. Real life is stranger than fiction.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jess,
I think it must be the first scenario. And though faking a theft and incurring self-inflicted injuries just to get a bigger and better toy is underhanded and deceptive, you gotta give the little fella props for ingenuity and resolve. Even if I had concocted such a plan in my childhood to engineer the exchange of my first bike for the pink and purple Huffy with thin white tires which I'd been eyeing longingly at Wal-Mart, I don't think I'd have had the guts to intentionally inflict pain on myself in order to attain my goal. Deviant he may be, but he proved he's no sissy, and that's going to count for something someday soon when a group of playground thugs really does try to pinch the new, fancier motorbike, and our young hero pulls out his mad wheelie skills and takes her off some sweet jumps in flight from the bullies. The kid's got spunk, for sure. Wish he was my friend.
-Swigs

Anonymous said...

Jessiepoo,
Eric and I saw that story on the news the day that it happened. When we saw that little kid riding that tiny little moto, we both laughed so hard we almost peed our pants. I mean, come on, if you buy your kid a toy that dorky, you're just asking for them to be the victim. And I hate to say it, but they found the moto in the suspects garage several blocks away. So unless the kid planted evidence CSI style, it was the 2nd scenario.

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